Tokyo Damage Report

reup : hospital equipment tradeshow

July 14, 2004 @ Tokyo Big Sight

 

INTERNATIONAL NEW HOSPITAL EQUIPMENT EXPO 2004

I have to say this was a letdown. Sure, they did have the ‘cybershirt’ and the ‘Unblinking Eye Of Sauron remote-control Parking Garage How-Full-Is-It-er’ but it wasn’t amazing. I was expecting total gnarly, Dead Ringers- looking futuristic operating room tools and hella ‘machines that go Ping.’ But instead most of it was junk like, ‘here’s some scheduling software for your hospital cafetiria. Here’s some software which allows you to bill patients in an efficient manner. Here is a flat monitor display for doctors to digitally poke and prod X-ray .jpgs. Here is some more software for you to do your insurance with.’

On the good side, there were lots of machines using new technology to help handicapped people or people who were regaining use of their limbs after a stroke or car accident. So, there was that.

but the REAL action, the unexpected windfall, the shizzle fo rizzle if you will, was: hospital CATALOGS. ho SHIT. i musta walked out of there with like 10 kilos of them. i could do like 100 scans from each catalog. just the craziest, 8-point-restraint, color-coded, anally probing machines you can imagine. everything in those catalogs just looks like medical porn.

 

 

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—- this device (the toilet, not the Belgian Pissing Lad) measures the velocity of the urine using lasers, and prints out a graph of your pissing velocity over time, when you are done. Apparently doctors used to have to do this by hand?

 

—- to hoover the gunk out of an old person's mouth when they can't chew anymore.

 

—- my blood!!!! The microscope at right has a little videocamera mounted to the top, which feeds into the TV. I'm alive! Yay!

 

—- for quadriplegics, there's a computer where the interface is controlled by your eye motions. The camera under the screen looks at your eye and uses biometrics to determine which button on the screen you are looking at. To 'click' you simply stare at the button for a predetermined length of time.

 

—- these guys glow blue when the parking lot /waiting room is full, and yellow when it's empty/ short waiting time. Also useful: you can check this over the internet or your cell phone. So you can actually 'see' how long the line is before you even leave the house (or don't leave the house, as the case may be).

 

—- mgasmasks.jpg" type="image" />

 

—- this is NOT some 'enabling garb' for handicapped people. This is garb that fucks you up if you are normal. It's like that Kurt Vonnegut short story but real. The deal is, they dress scoolkids up in this stuff so they can understand what life is like for old people. The glasses are blurry, the knees don't bend, the cane makes you vote Republican, etc.

 

—- mhandicapfoot.jpg" type="image" />

 

—- this is a Hitachi thing. It looks like a videogame (and in fact, there IS an arcade game where you're walking a 'virtual dog' . . the leash is the controller, but I digress), it looks like a game but it's not. It's a leg rehabilitaor for people who are learning to walk again. They walk on the treadmill and try to copy the motions of the dog.

 

—- the dog close up.

 

—- mkittydocotr.jpg" type="image" />

 

—- and what hospital show would be complete without a booth of GIFT-SHOP ITEMS? Here's the Hello Kitty and Daniel – as – doctor-and-nurse dolls, and a variety of kitty bags informing you that 'HEALTH STARTS WITH CLEANLINESS'. Also, My Melody hospital nametags.

 

—- Kitty as Patient.

 

—- blood pressure: heavy.

 

—- not for the cyborg armies of the future. The muscle shirt is actually about helping people rehabilitate their arms. It guides you on pre-programmed reps of excercises. They'll start selling it next year. No hawking joke here.

 

—- or here.

 

—- nurse uniforms.

 

—- gratuitous nurse uniforms.

 

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