Tokyo Damage Report

reup : panda fucker maniac revolution, niku dorei, cps, neji, keruppino

Aug 6 , 2004

YUKIMI NOT DEAD volume 40 @ nishiogikubo WATTS.

My pal yukimi is one of the best people ever. By day she’s a respectable corporate claims adjuster. By night she’s a brutal maniac! Her house is full of 1,000 stuffed frogs, which compete for space with her huge obsessive collection of grindcore cds and books on the history of Chinese torture techniques, and her vast collection of French lingere, and massive binders full of stuffed-animal bondage photos. So when she turned 40, naturally lots of bands wanted to celebrate by holding a big show in her honor. Name of the show: YUKIMI NOT DEAD, volume 40.

First band PANDA FUCKER MANIAC REVOLUTION!

Hear the music here!

As you might guess, this is my band. We play a very un-hip genre called enka. if you drink in the izakaya (small grandma-run bar) you will hear enka. So naturally, if you are drunk as hell with your friends and talking shit about starting a band, enka is the logical choice, right? Sort of a Pavlov thing going on there.

Enka is the music that Japanese grandparents listen to. It’s a very bizarre style?half traditional Japanese instruments (like koto/shakuhachi) with their pentatonic scales, and half SPAGHETTI WESTERN SOUNTRACK music. I am not making this up. Also, enka is totally fucked because there are only 3 chords in the whole genre. BUT the chord progressions are just insanely long and follow no discernible pattern. Here’s a sample enka progression: 1-4-5-5-4-6-1-4-5?4-4-4-4-1-1-1-1-1–6-1-6-1-5-5-5-5-5-1-4-4-5-5-4-4-1-1-1-4—5, repeat. It’s almost morse code!! Dot-dash-dash-dot!

Also maybe important? We mix our enka up with Black Sabbath. Heavy enka.

On bass is ALCOHOL FAIRY (so-called for his elfish haircut and propensity for can’t-walk amounts of osake). Drums : WATARU-SAN. Vocal: #14-CHAN. She is my best friend. She’s about the height of a kitchen table but is able to eat her own weight in food and THEN drink like 4 pitchers of Asahi. a hard core punk who only wants to sing in the enka style!

On guitar: me, the guy in hotpants. The other band members rocked hard. But I sucked ass. Because, in japan, you use the club’s equipment. While this makes for really short set-up times (good), it can be confusing if the club’s equipment is totally different than your rehearsal equipment. So my sound was just shit doo doo. I tried to compensate by jumping around like a maniac though.

i was pretty pissed about the live though, because the wingnut who organized the show scheduled us first (while all the audience was still at work!)

so that blows. I mean, I realize it’s our first show, but opening up for a fucking kiss cover band??? Shoot me.

Especially considering that out of tonight's bands, we drew the most customers (how do I know? Because, in japan, when people come to the live, they have to tell the ticket-taker who they are there to see. the ticket taker distribues money to the bands based on that (or takes money AWAY from the bands based on that!!)). not to brag but in fact we could have packed in another 5-6 people had we NOT been in the shitty opening slot. i recieved hella mail from my peoples who were all like, 'i'd come but i don't get off work until after you finished.'

PANDA FUCKER: biggest draw, worst slot. way to fucking sabotage the only band that made money that fucking night, DICKHEAD.

 

You might recall him from last year, getting sodomized onstage by a jelly dildo. Usually he’s with a saxophonist, but this time he was with a drummer. Um, it was awful. Pretty much when you are dealing with an insane s/m exhibitionist maniac you have to expect uneven performances. We did have a nice little interaction where I showed him my Kitty panties and he was all groping them. The nice lady I was with was like, ‘uh. . .’ and I was like, ‘oh, that’s NIKUDOREI.’ As if that explained everything. And in a way, it did.

Then, KERUPPINO.

 

—- PANDA FUCKER MANIAC REVOLUTION

 

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—- #14 -CHAN

 

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—- ALCOHOL FAIRY

 

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—- SHORT-PANTS SCHOLARSHIP STUDENT . . .

 

—- . . . aka PIN-ONI (pink demon)

 

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—- #14 with WATARUSAN

 

—- and then DRINKING!!

 

—- DO BUCH DRINKKANRTING

 

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Band 2 :NEJI

 

I am playing drums for this band, too. Right, 2 bands in one night. . .

Oh, and keep in mind, this is the wingnut’s band. This band (which he gave a good slot to), would not even be playing if not for me. not to get too dennis rodman about it, but I joined his band just because I felt sorry for them (they did not have a drummer and couldn’t find one). I saved his ass and then he stabs me in the back.so, no good deed goes unpunished, as they say.

Um, anyway, about the music: kind of hard rock but with occasional odd meters and lots of dynamics.

 

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—- can you see me playing drums? Well hmp. Poo.

 

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C.P.S.: these guys are the best. They’re on some drug-abusing, chaos, hard rock shit. Like I guess turbonegro? Or Stooges? These are the smelliest, greasiest, most passed-out guys in the scene, who always have the hottest girlfriends.

 

The singer has a ‘regular guy’ haircut, but with exactly one dreadlock sort of sticking out of it, which is amazing. The drummer has a whole nest of them with like dirt and bats flying out of it. The guitarist was wearing a gay pirate outfit with Leatherman hat and eyepatch, and matching fake beard AND fake chest hair which was adorable. The only problem: they only played one song and split. I guess they had some problem with Wingnut and the way he promoted the show, too? You think?

Then a bunch of other bands played. I’m sure they were all very nice.

—- CPS!!!!!!!!

 

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—- cpsgtrbass.jpg" type="image" />

 

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Then SUDDENLY .. . . .

NIKU DOREI: (literally : ‘meat slave’) the one-man-plus-one-saxophonist noise band.

 

 

 

 

—- NIKU DOREI (meat slave)

 

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Yukimi’s band. In case you missed my last review, here is the basic concept: all-girl grindcore puppet band. Wait, that didin’t make sense. The girls wear French lingere and the puppets (who sing along) wear, well, in this case drag. See, the puppets are gay. I forgot to mention that. Anyway they wear drag, but then the strip and you see they are tied up AND wearing a diaper. At that point, Yukimi’s shrit comes off and the stuffed frog starts to hump the microphone stand. Wait, that still doesn’t make sense.

In between songs they tell jokes. The songs are like 30 seconds long and sound improvised (i.e. just terrible). But the songs are kind of beside the point, I guess. anyway happy birthday yukimi!

 

—- KERUPPINO

 

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1 Comment so far

  1. Chris August 7th, 2010 5:12 pm

    Awesome. You guys should do a reunion, and if you get the first slot again, I would skip school that day to see you guys. I mean, Black Sabbath is the perfect backdrop to enka.

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