Tokyo Damage Report

reup : ‘sex’ @ club ace

Nov 19, 2004

this is what is called a 'gay mix' bar. which apparently means, 'a bar where you don’t go if you are a guy or, um, a lesbian.' It’s all fag-hags up in here for some reason.

Tonight’s Theme: different countries. You haven’t seen ‘orientalism’ until you’ve seen camp-obsessed Japanese interior decorator queens try to imitate Asians. The whole club was full of ‘Eastern’ kitch: red silks, Chinese-style lanterns on which all the performers without exception hit their heads, and beads, beads, beads!!!

To start with, they had some belly dancers. They were actual women, which prompted the witty person behind me to say ‘chou honmonomitai!’ (they look so realistic!!). but because this was Japanese bellydance, there was almost no hip motions. Mostly lots of swirly arm gestures.

Melodious was the first queen tonight, and she did the whole song without moving. Ok, there was hand-jive, but that’s it.

After that it got weird.

Onan Spermaid was up next, doing a striptease until she was down to a black camisole. Then she laid down with her legs in the air, kicked off her 6 inch platform regulation dragqueen heels, and . .. ., dude? Are those faces painted on the soles of your feet?? yes. A man’s face and a woman’s face. And they start KISSING. Then, oh boy, the ‘woman foot’ starts making her way down to the ‘man foot’s’ knee. That’s right, it’s foot fellatio. Onan is probably the riskiest guy here. When he’s off, he’s way off, but when he is on he is just fucking unbeatable.

After him, Miss Soandso (I forgot her name, sorry dogg) came out with like 6 inch metal fingernails, a bodystocking painted to look like a dollar bill, giant cone-boobs and a green Mohawk wig, HELD IN PLACE BY GIANT GOLDEN CHICKEN CLAWS WHICH GRIPPED HER HEAD. He busted some ‘oriental’ dance moves while Madonna sang a middleeastern version of ‘like a virgin.’

Then BABIE NO BITCH came out and did a rock song. The costumes were fucking awesome: half Kabuki, half surfer-girl. Who can fuck with such a thing?? After a lot of rock, the backup singers attacked the lead vocal and just beat her down in a vicious bitch-fight. tore off her clothes, revealing this one piece swimming suit. Then they ALL got into one-piece swimming suits and started go-go dancing for no reason. OK Then what happened, smart guy? Well, there was an intermission, a movie about safe sex, and the mcs were asking people in the front row if they use condoms. When it was my turn, I’m all like, ‘oh you mean this?’ and straight hold my condom aloft. I mean, doinks. don't fuck with me and condoms. i keep them handy at all times in my LITTLE TWIN STARS sanrio purse, right next to the other emergency items: earplugs, the compass, and guitar picks. even though the chances of me being called on to be the emergency backup guitar player for GAUZE are probably much better than the chances of me having sex ever. After that, it was more dragstuff: Onan came out with a giant paper-mache lion mask, and the belly dancer lady balanced a sword on her hip and span round and round.

sounds like a fun evening, right? but it wasn't.

God, I tried to do everything right. When I found money on the floor I gave it away (to a girl who would then not even let me sit next to her) . . . when some drunk guy fell down off his foot-tall platform heels and hurt himself and no one was helping him, I got him off the floor and then got him some fucking ice for the golf-ball size welt on his head. I tried to talk to the one girl who came by herself and no one was talking to her. I tried to be good. of course, I did forget everyone’s name that I met last time, and i did spill the mc’s drink. And there’s that guy I stabbed 178 times. But still basically I was good. so why do I feel so shitty? I think I’ve hit a brick wall: I just CAN. NOT. GO. TO. SHOWS. ALONE. It doesn’t even matter if the show is good or bad. Going alone is just too depressing. Maybe if I had a room-mate or girlfriend waiting for me when I got back it would be different, but I don’t. I get home and I’m like, ‘hey, roaches, guess what happened tonight, man you wouldn’t believe it!’






foot fellatio


fashion point: 'dollar bill' bodystocking


other fashion point: GIANT ROOSTER HEAD CLAWS.


The name of the drag team is "babie no bitch." Kabuki meets surfer girl



Ms. Melodious at the onsen?



Onan again




'so realistic!'






the emcee's amazing headdress,which just wouldn't stay on.


the amazing Margarita

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