Tokyo Damage Report

reup : catfight 9: diaper sumo.

SUNDAY DEC 11, 2004

I am pretty over catfights, but this one was pretty different. It is like the promoters said to themselves, “Hey, what is better than 2 women fighting? 12 women fighting! And what is better than 12 women fighting? 12 women fighting over a diaper!”

 

battle one — DIAPER WARS


They had 12 fighters and 4 adult-senile-person kind of Huggies. The MC would throw out the diapers and the fighters would just dogpile on whoever caught it. The goal was to actually PUT IT ON over your pants, while hella burly pissed-off wenches try to yank it off you. And that was just, like Part One.

In Part Two, the four winners (still wearing diapers) pair up. Each pair sits down; the opponents facing each other. Then they are issued this horrible-tasting candy which looks like a big two ? foot ?long dookie. Which they have to hold in their mouths, so it is connecting them together? Yes. Of course. And they start chewing it at opposite ends and whoever eats the most goes on to Part Three:

DIAPER SUMO. Of which the less said the better.

2 ? PORN STAR FIGHT produced by NIPPLE ONE, the sort of more-nasty-than-naughty catfight company.

2 sort of heavy-set porn stars get in what seems like a seduction battle, circling each other, strutting, and teasing each other about how the other one is too horny and hard-up. Then they start all groping each other yadda yadda yadda, suddenly the lady who is not iranian slams the I-cup arab in a submission hold, doh. Although she wins the fighting part of the battle her victory has to be ratified by the audience who holds up either a blue card or red card depending on who they thought was “sexier.” See, this is what the greeks meant by participatory democracy.

Also the winner ? the full-blooded japanese ? had just the most nasty painful looking infected-ass razor burns on her pubics but also on her legs??? Maybe she ran out of bikini wax so she used bonding glue?? Jesus, that was like, damn. Also the Iranian breast-fetish idol had this totally accruate Cholita (i.e. Mexican-American homegirl from LA) hairdo for apparently no reason, and a hairy tail. On her costume, but still.

Oh, almost forgot — the loser got ambushed by The Underpants Monkeys (two guys in their underpants who scamper around mischeviously and make monkey noises). . .and the Underpants Monkeys attacked her with a vibrator as a penalty? they also held her down so the audience guys could vibrate her a little.

3 ? nipple one vs. CPE.

The "nipple one" boss-guy came in and threw a bunch of money around, and is trying to steal the fighters from CPE (a rival catfight club).. the “traitor” ex-cpe women face off against the loyalists. Unlike most fights, this time all the fighters are on stage the whole time and unlike the guys in the audience, they really yell to support their team-mates, which makes it way more fun to watch. The way the audience guys show support is mostly by stalking the figters after the show.

4– la mehicana vs. gato.

Lucha libre style! Totally amazing 2-footed flying kicks.

5 ? chinese nymphomaniac vs. 60s swinging go-go dancer michelle.

Boring.

6 ? Kill-Bill lady vs. someone.

 


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