Tokyo Damage Report

reup: IKEBUKURO BEERNING: 4 spikes, epidemic, drunk bois, boob$hit

saturday april 23.


april 23, 2005

I AM GOING TO BE BRIEF because i have wrote about all these bands before


. despite being the opener they gave one of their more energetic shows. the singer was all munching on a banana.


My first time to see them. Just sort of oom-pah 80s punk, with no distinctive breaks but good scowls.


These guys were great!! Fun fun hokkaido “noise punk” which means really high-end screechy vocals and guitars. But no actual songs about poop. I checked. Incredibly cute girl drummer who I did not even notice during their entire set somehow.


New bass player! Huge mouth. Embarassed myself after the show by totally not remembering who the bassist was. “oh are you in a band?”


Fucking awesome. Maybe a little more slow-motion than usual, due to excessive consumption even than usual. Or maybe that was just me. No, wait, I checked the photos. Them.

The singer mooned the audience and almost got a kancho from ma-chan.

anyway who give a shit about the band-descriptions? the fun part was THE AFTER-PARTY.

This lady who seems to like me ordered me to sit down next to her. She might have succeeded in her nefarous scheme, except for two things.

1) from 3 inches away i could see the stubble. not like, punk rock stubble on the top of the head, but sideburn stubble from shaving where a guy shaves. not only that, but exactly how far down do the sideburns go? at least if she let them grow naturally, i would not have to imagine/worryabout a full moustache / soul patch thing that might exist.

2) she was sitting in the middle of 4 other women, who were dressed like sluts, which is what Tokyo punk girls do. so, again, her game was highly flawed. The lesbians know what i am talking about — having girls in micro skirts sitting directly across from you cross-legged is tough to deal with when sober and alone, much less drunk and sitting next to a crushed-out young girl whose fragile self-esteem is now your sole responsibility.

My first thought was, I gotta get out of here. I mean which is worse, that I will never have access to those fishnet thighs? Or that the fat girl who shaves IS hot for me?

Anyway, as if this weren’t enough catch-22s to put a normal guy in the rubber-room, here is another one ? I can’t remain in the babe-infested area without making Crushed-And-Shaving Girl jealous. but i can't leave without explanation, because that will ALSO piss her off. What am I supposed to say? “hey, nothing personal but these girls are all way hotter than you ???" Jesus.

After awhile i can't really think about anything else and get pissed off. Finally she said,

her+ what is wrong?

Me: mura mura.

Her; eh? What does that mean ?

Me: you KNOW what it means.

Her: (grabbing my dictionary) what is it in english?

Me: are you crazy? I was speaking japanese!! It means I am horny.

Her: (to girls across the table) oh my god, he is horny!!!

Me: you criminally insane person, you.

Her: is it the alcohol making you horny?

Me: of course not. It is the short skirts that are to blame.

Her: (to girls across the table) oh my god, he said the short skirts are to blame!

For some reason , after that, I was in a good mood. Oh yeah, because I was laughing my ass off.




—- vocal nori, eating a banana for important reasons I was incapable or unwilling to understand.


—- Go-san, the guitarist.


—- band and crowd being riled up.


—- mid-rile


—- the finale.


—- EPIDEMIC and their hair.






—- the encore. Drunk punk rule #43 — – if your mohawk is still all the way up at the end , it means you have not rocked enough.


—- DRUNK BOIS from hokkaido.


—- how big is this mouth?? You could fit bears in there. All hibernating and junk.






—- EXCREMENTS from Hokkaido
















—- aiieeeEEEEEEEEEE!!!










—- drummer!


—- drummer!!


—- the drummer diving into the crowd.






—- this is the traditional Japanese custom of KANCHO ("enema") ususally seen on elementary-school at recess, but some habits die hard.




—- the aftermath – assorted beer cans, drum bits all over the stage, and a bass chopped in fucking half.


—- not to mention the sad fate of Oi Panda.




—- Shaved Eyebrows and Beard Extensions: the gentlemen.


—- the UCHIAGI ("Afterparty")

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