Tokyo Damage Report

reup: boob$hit, anthropic disease, one armed bandits, smashed cocks,

ANOTHER GODDAMN DRUNK PUNK SHOW

Nov 21, 2005


Stay in bed all day listening to dark throne. Then, around 3 , I get a bootycall from Der Fraulein. She’s all ‘so what are you doing tonight?’ I’m all ‘goin to a show, later’ and then AFTER i hang up I’m like, ‘Now, WAITaminute. . . was that . . . oh, my goodness, i was just booty-called!’ . . . and, satisfied that i figured that out, i went to the show anyway. but fuck it. this show turned out to be better than sex. well, better than sex with a manic depressive who cries in bed and has post-traumatic flashbacks anyway.

and don't even get me started about HER problems.

 

can i justify another DRUNK PUNK LIVE

I’ve already written like 50 reviews of drunk-punk shows. I am aware of this. and yet here is another one. Why bother, you say? Well, if you're shaking your head at the prospect, first of all you are obviously not drunk enough. I don’t give a fuck if you’re at work. Get some breath mints or something. Second of all, these are ALL REVIEWS OF TOTALLY NEW BANDS. Third of all, fuck you.

ONE ARMED BANDITS

Fuck!!! the bass player was so drunk he kept falling down. And not just falling down, but falling down in all these really improbable ways. Totally sideways and on his knees and just this vaudeville virtuoso. LIke i kept expecting cream pies in the mix. This is especially amazing considering that they were this destroyed and it wasn’t even 6 pm. Awesome! All playing on his knees or running into the guitarist. Guitarist all letting his guitar feedback while he strangles the microphone with both hands and screams into it.

SMASHED COCKS

The guitarist is like 10 feet tall and is going to Australia in 2 weeks. So if you are Australian, write to me and offer to show my man around. He is super nice and handsome too. The singer didn’t have such a good screamy voice, but she made up for it but just being totally stumbling, slow-motion drunk the whole time, bending in all these weird ways, to the point where you got the feeling she didn’t know exactly where the audience was.

Oh wait, I didn't get around to posting this until after my man already left for Oz. My bad. And here i was all thinking you guys were asses for not writing to help him. Ho ho.

ANTHROPIC DISEASE

Holy fuckkity fuck fuck mcfuck! These guys were the token hardcore punk band and all the songs were like 30 seconds long and tight as fuck, and the singer is like 3 feet tall but is just a complete dangerous maniac who just instantly killed Madonna, Janis Joplin, arethra franklin, Mariah carey and ayumi hamazaki and ground them all up into tiny pebbles and then mooshed all of them into a tiny old tin of sardines. She like ripped out barbra streisand’s lungs and wore them as moccasins, I shit you not. I was kind of happy about the other bands in this show, but as soon as ANTHROPIC DISEASE started playing, I just found myself screaming at the top of my lungs. WYYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! Said i. WEUSHHUUH WAARGGGGGGGG!! My only regret was that the band was just too fucking fast for me to get decent pictures, moving as they did slightly in excess of 186,000 miles/second. You’ll just have to take my word that this is fucking brutal. After the show I went up to the singer and was like ‘oh my GOD. KEKKON SHITAI!! KEKKON VISA GA HOSHIIKARA!!!!’ (literally: ‘oh my god, let’s get married! I need a visa badly!’) Bakamike put it best, when i told him this story: "it's always important to make a good first impression, particularly when you will never have a chance to make a second one."

BOOBSHIT

Ok, this is a band I saw before. They were fucking chaos. They want to tour America. If you are America or a state of America, please invite them. they will burn down your cities but it will be worth it, especially if your state had an internment camp in WWII. The whole band was basically unable to stand upright. it was like a 3 way tag-team match: BAND VS. AUDIENCE VS. STUPID FORCE OF GRAVITY. The guitarist so fucking treble it was like Burzum or something. The drummer tipping his kit over and playing the encore with the snare in his lap like a little kid. The vocalist and guitar leaning on each other to stay upright but mostly pushing each other down. Just complete fucking anarchy.

Afterwards we all went to the izakaya and did what? Drank stuff! The fucking izakaya served what was essentially water with one molecule of alcahol in it, but that turned out to be good because I could remember the conversation in more detail. You don't want to forget 2am discussions of the proper role of pubic hair in marriage. That’s when you really learn about other cultures. Plus, I learned all these kids are like 21 god damn years old. Jesus.

ONE ARMED BANDITS

 

 

bassist all kneeling down in the background for super action pose

SMASHED COCKS

Ryou, gtr

 

Kaori-Kat

 

THE FOOLISHNESS

 

ANTHROPIC DISEASE

the vocalist moved too fast for me to take pictures.

any straight woman who looks at this picture and does not turn gay is lying.

 

BOOB$HIT

the drummer has no recollection of doing this.

 

 

 

 

 

at the izakaya afterwards.

the class photo. 'have a great summer! Don't ever change!'

3 comments Tags: , , , , ,

3 Comments so far

  1. Joshua February 3rd, 2016 4:13 am

    How come you don’t do anymore punk show reports like this???

  2. admin February 3rd, 2016 5:14 pm

    @joshua: because they don’t make bands like BOOB$HIT anymore. Smartassery aside, a better question might be, “Why, in the ten years since that page was posted, has no one else stepped up to do the kind of shit that I used to do?”

  3. 古山田咲郎 February 11th, 2016 5:48 am

    Yeah, 2005 was a fucking great year in Japan. Seems our generation have become おじさん by now. Wonder what has become of the punk scene over there. All retired?

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