Tokyo Damage Report

comic market summer 2011 RONBUN ROUNDUP

Tokyo Big Sight's bi-yearly comic markets are world-famous for nerd manga. But what if I told you there was a whole separate section, a hidden corner of zines? Zines which were totally otaku but not about manga or anime at all? I'm talking about the motherlode of old-school Japanese overly-specific hobbyism.

For those of you wanting to check it out, it's called the RONBUN section (論文 meaning 'essay').

 


 

 

"MYSTERIOUS TACTICS! YOKAI PICTURE BOOK! VOLUME. . . ONE?"

Yokai are traditional spirits, folk monsters, and fairies. In this book, some guys take pictures of themselves impersonating famous traditional illustrations of yokai, using everyday household items as props.


"THE CURRY MUSEUM  (WHICH EXISTS IN MY VERY OWN HOUSE!)"

This is a very common type of zine at this event: home-made encyclopedias of foods, all done like a Dungeons and Dragons book or a video game , where each "character" is broken down into attributes, and each attribute  is assigned a number.

 

CURRY MUSEUM  ranks curries on the following attributes:

category of curry, spiciness, amount, calories, and "degree to which I'd recomend it."

Sample review (from the hello kitty curry):

It's a "bon curry" for kids, with Kitty printed on the cover.  There is more corn than beef!  But even so, the taste is basically "bon" style.  But at 120 grams, the amount is not even enough for kids!

degree-that-I'd-recomend-it: one out of five.


below:

Are you lewd?

THE BOOK ABOUT THE ADULT GOODS WHICH YOU KNOW SO WELL

by "the hallucination corporation HDS".

This has small articles about how to use various buttplugs, vibrators, etc. And surveys of people re: how often do you use "adult goods"?

 


 

"chasing the Fourier transformations"

Note the cat-like "emoji" mascot: this is what a Fourier transformation looks like to 2-channel guys.

This book was at the same table as a political rant called "consumers are BAKA!!"

I got both.

 


WAKU WORK MAGAZINE!

(the title is a pun based on how the English word "work" sounds like the sound-effect "waku waku" , which means to be excited about something)

"stories from workers' real experiences on the job. Volume 3: convenience stores."

This is a sort of "information manga" – a textbook on how to be a better clerk, in manga form.  The Japanese tendency to make textbooks or manuals in manga form is not new or shocking at this point. But. . . a manual written by workers, for workers? You'd think that anonymous workers publishing DIY manga would make the manga be an expose of how crappy the job is, but you'd be wrong again. Here are porly-paid 7-11 staff, taking their free time to – for basically free- write motivational manuals for other convinience store clerks. wtf japan.

 

 

Left page (21)

 

Petty crime counter-measures!

panel one: These are small crimes, so you can handle them yourself.

If there is a sale on anything at all, you should yell "Such-and-such percent off of this-and-that" throughout the store in a loud, cheerful voice.

Shoplifters don't like to come to stores where the clerks are so enthusiastic.

Even if there is no sale, you should  simply yell greetings: "Hello! Welcome!"

 

panel 2: suspicious people!

if you see someone glancing nervously at you or glancing covertly around the store, approach them and ask if you can help them find something.

If they are innocent, you will be helping them, but if they are guilty, they will be deterred from shoplifting!

 

panel 3: don't neglect or ignore the merchandise!

even though there are anti-crime cameras, some people are still rude enough to steal, so make sure one person is behind the counter at all times, even if the other person has to go to the back room for more supplies.

Before you go in back, make sure and announce it to your co-worker so they will be on alert!

 

Right page (20)

 

panel one: crime-prevention tips:

every convinience store chain has a contract with some security-guard company. As soon as possible you should hit the "anti-crime buzzer" located behind the counter, and summon the guards.

There are also buttons by the ATM machines, and come chains issue neck-straps to employees with buzzers on them.

Also there are "color balls" you can throw at muggers or shoplifters as they are running away from your store. these balls explode on impact, staining the criminal and making it easy for the police to spot them.

But if the criminal is naked, it will be easy for them to wash off the evidence, won't it?

panel 2:

anti-crime cameras save the images!

male clerk: Fuck! That camera caught me loafing in the back room!

female clerk:  Loafing is also a crime!

In every convenience store, there are many cameras which feed images directly to the associated security company. If there is any problem, the security company saves a copy of the video and can reply it later.

Recently the cameras are such good quality,  the viewer can zoom and enhance parts of the image!


 

TELARC: AN INVESTIGATION OF THE AMERICAN MINOR LABEL

 

Now we're getting to some more serious otaku. . . this guy doesn't just collect everything ever released by a minor classical-music label, he gets his spectrum-machine and measures the SOUNDSPECTRUM of every CD on it, and then makes a music-critic fanzine, not analyzing the music, composition,  or even the performance, but analyzing the sonic spectra!

 

A "sound spectrum" is like a snapshot of a song at one point in time, with pitch on the vertical axis and frequency on the horizontal axis.

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18-AND-OVER BOOKS AND GIRLS

an essay about how buying porno is empowering for young women.

sample chapter title: BUYING ADULT GOODS IS PROOF THAT YOU HAVE BECOME AN ADULT!

 


 

TEA REVIEW BOOK! OCHA DOSE 2!

LET'S COOL DOWN IN SUMMER!

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another food-ranking book. The categories rated are : sweetness, sourness, umami (beauty of the flavor), and cost performance.

 

sample review: "The price is reasonable, and the grains are local. this a good point! because it also makes for a good souvinier!"

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MASS TRANSIT SEATS VOL.1

TRAINS,BOATS, AND PLANES

 

 

I was going to scan the inside, but basically the cover says it all: just page after page of poorly-photocopied color pictures of seats and beds on all manner of mass transit.

From the cramped to the luxurious.


This next one is part of a whole genre – usally all the women are next to each other in the convention hall.

ANECDOTES FROM SEX WORK! THE FUZOKU GUIDE SERIES!

table of contents is printed on the front cover:

sex tv channels, re-prints of questionaires that cat-house customers fill out, silly business cards from brothels with hilarious double-entendre names, and how to become a skillful "companion-san".

Then it adds, "The inside information!!!"

 

sample page below:

 

Upper left is a busniess card from a sex palace named kameman-namedo

This is a play on the name of a traditional japanese sweets shop, called kameyamannendo. (lit. "the hall of the turtle that lives 10,000 years")

but the dirty version is kame-man-name-do  : kame (turtle head =penis) + man (manko= pussy) name (licking) do (hall).

I guess these sorts of puns don't translate any better than, say E3 THE EXTRA TESTICLE.

 

left page, bottom;

an order form for an "image club"  (a type of brothel that has theme rooms and costumes, so that you can choose your own sexual adventure in a way that resembles nothing so much as a reverse game of CLUE) : instead of "murder colonel mustard in the conservatory with the fire poker", the client has chosen "sexually assault the stewardess in the high-school girl's bedroom."

 

right page: an order form for an s/m club:

the client  checks the boxes for

"no previous s/m experience"

for the happy ending? would sir prefer a dry-hump or a blowjob? "blowjob."

He checks the following menu options:

vibrator play, mutual groping,   golden shower and brown shower, and watching-of-masturbation-by-the-mistress.


THE PARASITE THAT EVERYONE LOVES: 2

another "educational manga", teaching people about tapeworms who dress like samurai.


english title: THE OPERATION DENTIST

japanese title (translated): REAL DENTIST GREAT CAMPAIGN

 

 

 

this is . . .get ready . .. DENTAL SCHOOL GAG MANGA. By dental students for dental students. Oddly, it seems to NOT be educational. Or funny.

 

left page, right side:

OVERHEAT NIGHT

"at our dental school alumni reunion one day.  . . ."

panel one:

Japanese lady:  how many patients do you see in a day?

canadian guy (left side, tan skin):  about 8. We spend between one and two hours on each."

Other Japanese: Wow! Japanese dentists can see up to 20 patients a day!

panel two:

canadian:  We can fix an entire tooth in one appointment.

Japanese: WTF?!?!?!?!? IN ONE APPOINTMENT? REALLY???

panel three:

Japanese: REALLY? NO SHIT?!?

(diagram of tooth: root canal, plus tooth filling, plus the cap: three proceedures)

 

panel four:

Japanese:  (still gaining steam) HUH? WHAT? WTF??? IS THAT NORMAL IN CANADA? SERIOUSLY? HUH?

Canadaian (backing away slowly) : uh yes.

 

left page, left side:

WON'T YOU COME PLAY WITH US?

panel one:

Japanese lady: By the way, in Japan it is normal to take three separate appointments just to do the root work

Canadian: EEEHHH?!?!?!?

 

panel two:

Japanese:   we have to wait for the swelling to go down and for the bleeding to stop before proceeding. We worry that it might be painful for the patient to bite.

Canadian:  But. . but. . . if you remove the source of the inflamation to begin with, there won't BE any swelling!

panel three:

Japanese lady: What? but if you do it all at once, won't the gum swell up like so (see the diagram)?

Canadian: I have never heard of any case like that. It's rare enough that there is any pain at all.

panel four:

 

Japanese:  WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Right page:  KEEP A LID ON IT

top panel: When i started work at a new company they gave me a lot of stuff . . . cellphone, text-messager, laminated badge, books, and so on.

second panel: Anti-crime buzzer? With an instruction manual? Is that even neccessary?!?

 

third panel: "After you receive the buzzer, try it out  right then and there to make sure that the batteries function."

fourth panel: right here? But the hospital boss is having a meeting in the next room!


 

 

THE BIG GUIDE TO TABLETS VOLUME 4

 

 

 

 

This book rates breath-mints. The criteria are:

product name, country, company name, catch copy, remarks, date bought, place bought, is it still on the market?, weight, price, ingredients, calories.

Then: the exact millimeters (to the tenth of a milimeter) height, width, and depth of the individual pills. (sigh).

At the bottom: rankings for mintiness, flavor, and "would I want to buy it again?"

 

Interesting nihongo note : the top-left brand is SHE-HER-HER.

The "sss" sounds of the English  "she" , sounds like "suu-suu", which is the Japanese "sound effect" of mintiness.

The breathy, puffing sounds of "her-her" sounds like the sound of exhaling on someone, which is what you can do if you have good breath.

 


CONVINIENCE STORE CAFE AU-LAIT REVIEW

Here the cafe au-lait are reviewed by:

"coffee-ness"

milk-ness"

 and

"sweet-ness"

 

 


 

Honestly I haven't had the nerve to open this one. But based on the title i would say it is an essay like Malthus or Hobbes.

 

 


 

EROMANGA LOVERS VOL.1

FUNDAMENTAL SPECIALIZED JARGON AND KNOWLEDGE FOR EROTIC MANGA: CREATION, ILLUSTRATION, AND CONCEPTS

 

This is a highbrow one! It's a sort of dictionary of terms – not dirty words but conceptual terms that one might use to write "art criticism" of ero manga. Like before you start writing your ero-manga critical blog, you first need to make some jargon. More than a dictionary, it doesn't just define the words but it explains why the concepts are important to the history of eromanga, why they are uh satisfying in a way that just regular naked pictures are not.

 

Unfortunately most of these terms are not as unique or philosophical as the author seems to think they are – things like POV porn,  analog  vs. digital art styles,  self-aware ero-manga references, "finishing scenes", and clothes becoming transparent due to being soaking wet.


 

and then there's this:名古屋

 


MISSLES FROM THE ASS!

back cover copy: GIRLS' ASSES ARE "ENEMY AIRSPACE."

 

Does anybody have any idea what this is a parody of?

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RESEARCH OF THE PEOPLES' UNIFORMS

UNIFORMS OF SUN YAT-SEN

 

This is a scholarly, 6-page leaflet describing how Chinese nationalist Sun Yat-Sen designed what would become famous as the "mao uniform" while studying in Japan at the turn of the last century. At the time, China was being colonized by whitey.

 


FASCISTA ARCHIVE

 

they have their own logo!

 

 

 

 

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

p2: a small encyclopedia of fascism

p12: the great experiment named fascism

p15: a small lecture on fascism

p16: my personal opinion re: the uniforms

p18: a general introduction to the Japan Justice Party

p22: the raw material of the third revolution

p28: the black light of fascism which shined on Tokyo

p31: poems about fascism.


NEW BIG FRIENDS' STUDY SERIES,  ZERO FOUNDATION:

INSTANT BONDING GLUE BOOK: EXTREMELY SMALL NOZZLE EDITION!

Nothing but the tiniest nozzles of model glue applicators, for detail gundam work, one assumes.

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the first half of this book is about nazi uniforms and serious military history. the second half is basically the most baffling manga ever.

It starts with  Donald Rumsfeld vowing revenge on Adolf Eichmann (it's a common misconception that Rumsfeld is Jewish), and then Rumsfeld transforms into Obama, who summons a sailor-moon version of who now? Hillary.

Just as sailor hillary and obama are ready to fight nazis, a huge amount of Ronald McDonalds all jump in and the americans team up with nazis to fight them. Yes the nazis are using iron crosses as shuriken.

In the end, a dracula-looking Josef Menegle flies in to save the day with his surgical tools.

There is no explanation for this.

 


FUNNY NAMES FOR AGRICULTURAL CHEMICALS, VOLUME 4!

 

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 This particular page is a review of a pesticide for rice called JUDGE.

 

name: Judge brand boxed medicine

ingredients: ben furakarubu (5%), purobenazooru (24%)

poison: yes!

form: white powder

 

notes:  Not related to The Disciplinary Committe

Not enough for Level Four Teleportation Ability.

For rice disease

Causes water pollution, so don't let the water drain out of your field into rivers.

Not related to the wild bird die-off in Nagano.

The cartoon at the bottom features the zine's mascot, saying,

"IT'S TIME FOR THE FINAL JUDGEMENT!!!!!!

THIS PRODUCT IS. . . it is. . .uh., er, that is . . .uhhh"

 

Other "funny" agricultural chemical names are:

GANG

KUSA-RANGER (literally grass ranger, but sounds like "stinky ranger")

DYNAMAN

SHOCKER

KIKUEMON

GAIA

HOME RUN KING


THE CHINA-DRESS WAITRESSES!

a " WORLD OF CHINA-DRESSES" SPECIAL EDITION

 

A page-by-page review of restaraunts, omitting any mention of whether the food is good.

This page:

KUN PO, in ikebukuro.

dress shape : one-piece dresses, as well as others

sleeves: mostly mid-upper-arm-length

hemline: various lengths. Waitresses with mini-dresses wear black stockings.

dress slit: many types

They then note that "Besides china-dresses, many other Asian costumes can be seen: Ao Dai, Thai, Malaysia, South Asian costumes, etc."


MITSUME AND YUNBO!

 

This zine is an example of another repeating motif of these zines: anthropomorphism. That is to say, Japanese people tend to look at things and ask themselves, "If this thing were a cute girl, what would she look like?"

In this case, the authors did a book of the equipment being used to clean up the Tohoku region (the region of north-east Japan ravaged by the tsunami and earthquake). In the upper left corner of the cover you can see the personification of one of the claw-machines.


CANNED COFFEE CAFE MOCHA-CHAN VOL.3

 

This is a whole book of illustrations of "what different kinds of canned coffee would look like if they were cute girls." here is Wonda brand coffee:

 


 

Another magazine which does the same thing, but with more details:

Wonda is named Asami, she is 15 yeas old, and she thinks it's a shame to just only use Wonda to help her wake up in the morning.

 


 

 

 

 

below: UCHUU DE KYA-KYA!

LET'S GET WACKY IN SPACE!

 

This is an educational gag-manga about sattelites Ikaros (a space exploration sattelite)  and  Akatsuki (the venus climate orbiter). It is staggeringly unfunny.

 

 

RIGHT SIDE:

AT THE AMUSEMENT PARK

panel one:

IKAROS: let's ride this one (points to spinning cups)

 

panel two:

AKATSUKI: Ikaros really likes rotating things!

IKAROS: 25rpm!

panel three:

AKATSUKI: 25rpm? Isn't that too fast?

IKAROS: Akatsuki  are you scared!

panel four:

IKAROS: But isn't it more scary to be shot in a rocket into outer space?

(gales of laughter)

LEFT SIDE: TRIM YOUR SAILS!

panel one:

(the friends are now in the cup ride)

AKATSUKI: it's spinning at a pretty normal speed!

IKAROS: yes!

 

panel two:

(a third satellite is at the control panel)

THIRD SATELLITE: let's make things more interesting! (increases speed)

panel three:

IKAROS: (turns into hamster) (hamsters like going round in their little exercise wheels)

panel four:

IKAROS: TURN FASTER!

AKATSUKI: I KNEW IT!

 

On second thought, this is pretty funny.


 

10,000 YEN AN HOUR! ACTUAL EXPERIENCES OF A NAGOYA WORKING GIRL,  VOL. 5

 

 

Again, there's a whole row of booths of these type of manga.  4-panel gag cartoons about bad vs. good customers, mostly.


 

 

a model-railroad hobby magazine that is so otaku, there is NO TRAINS in it. Too mainstream, man. This just focuses on the little buildings and people that go in them.

There are articles about guys that replicated specific (fictional) stations from famous anime, and articles about how to use graphic design software to design and print custom tiny decals for the various busses and convinence stores that populate your train set.


 

 

 

This is a zine about how to use various affordable home radiation detection devices to measure fallout from the Fukushima plant.

 

Above, the author checking air levels near the street sign showing the location. The lower picture is him leaving the device out overnight to capture the radiation footprint of overnight rains.


 

THE FIRST-TIMERS' GUIDE TO CROWD CONTROL, SPECIAL EDITION

"NOTHING SCARES ME AFTER THIS" . . .OR DOES IT?

FROM THE PREPARATIONS BEFORE THE EVENT, TO THE DAY AFTER, THE REAL EXPERIENCES OF EVENT STAFF

This is mind-blowingly good: a guide to how to do crowd control AT EVENTS LIKE THE ONE IN WHICH IT IS BEING SOLD.

All these big nerd conventions have hundreds of temp-staff crowd-control kids waving people this way and that way,  organizing queues so that they don't get in the way of other queues, shouting out of megaphones, and making a nuisance of themselves.

Below: an organizational chart showing how a mid-sized event crowd-control staff breaks down:


BACKUP AUDIO TECHNIQUES FOR PRACTICAL USE VOL.3

 

DOES THIS HEADPHONE REALLY HAVE THE BOOMING BASS ADVERTISED?

DOES DE-OXYGENATED COPPER WIRE REALLY IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF SOUND?

LET'S TRY THE FREE HEADPHONES THAT COME WITH THE MP3 PLAYER FOR NOW. . .

THE ADVERTISEMENT THAT PROMISES "SUPER SOND" . . . WITH SUCH ENGRISH, ARE THE CLAIMS CREDIBLE?

WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF SUPER-CHEAP HEADPHONES!  BUT PERHAPS THERE IS A HIDDEN GEM HERE WITH REAL BALLS!!!

This  is a huge book of technical specifications of  under-$10 earbuds and the free earbuds that come with consumer electronics.

That is all that it is. No reviews. Just hard scientific data!

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ERO MANGA STATISTICS #8

AN ANALYSIS OF ADULT MANGA

THE SECRET STATISTICAL AVERAGES OF THE GIRLS!

WITH YOUR OWN SKILLS, MAKE  A DISTRIBUTED DATABASE TO QUANTIFY YOUR CONCEPT OF CUTENESS!

 

 

This is my favorite of the bunch: simultaneously  serious, rigorously executed, and self-consciously idiotic.

 

 

all the dots are different sex acts. I have no idea what the x and y axes are for. The main oval clusters are "penile penetration acts," "acts where the man does to the woman," and "acts where the woman does to the man."

below, more of same.

what makes this wonderful is that I WOULD BE JUST AS CONFUSED BY A "SERIOUS" STATISTICAL DIAGRAM . . . IN ENGLISH.

 

 

below, the four lines plot the statistical likelihood, per page, of 4 kinds of sex acts in 11 different manga?

the four kinds are (I think) – man on top, woman on top, doggy-style, and anal.

in the middle graph, the four lines indicate different kinds of illegal acts:

sex with virgins, sex with minors, adultery and  .. . . some other illegal act.

The third graph:  the likelyhood of  breast milk, vagina juice, and semen.

 

 

next, a look at the most common behaviors in the beginning part / middle part/ and end part of ero-manga.

 

next, . . .????  Honestly?!?!?! Someone help me out here. . .

 

next, a breakdown of how often the male version of something is shown vs. the female version of that thing.

For instance, at the top, the likelihood that the woman's face is visible is exactly 97.62%.

ALso: sex organs, butts, and underpants. Male underpants are only visible 0.46% – once in 200 manga!

 


 

ERO MANGA STATISTICS

LET'S GO HOME AND DO STATISTICS TOGETHER!

MOST LUXURIOUS STATISTICS BASE!

 

no clue!

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ERO GAME STATISTICS!

WHO ISN'T EXCITED TO HAVE A HAREM OF HEROINES?!?

 

 

Here 's a whole book of the "decision trees" used in creating choose-your-own-adventure style dating-simulation and sex games.

 

 

 

And a list of heroines' hair color, as it correlates to their likelihood of doing various nasty things.

Middle graph: eye color and same.

Lower graph: um, breast color?!?

heroines' secondary-sex characteristics: body size, breast size, do they have glasses? and so on.

 

6 comments

6 Comments so far

  1. jake December 8th, 2011 9:09 pm

    missle one is a parody of strike witches I think?

  2. Mark December 8th, 2011 11:33 pm

    Yeah, looks like Strike Witches to me as well.

  3. binky December 9th, 2011 4:00 am

    Great report.  Best one in months imo.

  4. James December 9th, 2011 11:10 am

    The Enemy Airspace girls reminds me of some Shintaro Kago comics, although not quite as extreme.

    Excellent post.

  5. Tim Drage December 13th, 2011 4:36 pm

    MINDBOGGLING

  6. Steve December 18th, 2011 7:30 am

    Oh my god, I'm pretty sure most statistical analysts don't put this much effort into their life-supporting jobs. Like, "we've cut this demographic pie-chart of Hyundai customers 30-ways, but I never thought to measure nipple size!!"

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