Tokyo Damage Report


I used to think that the whole “dems and repubs are Tweedledum vs. Tweedledee” idea was something made up by college students to justify not voting. I mean, they weren’t going to vote anyway but now they could feel really righteous about it because “The two parties are just all the same, man.” 
Normally as you get older you get more conservative (for instance, I have drastically cut down on the amount of times a day I say “patriarchy”, and no longer think that “destroy the whole government and start over” is a garunteed winner) . . .but when it comes to this “major parties are the same” idea. . . with each passing election the Dems swing farther to the right, with each election that idea becomes more and more true to me.  
Sure, when I was young it seemed both parties were the same. But then I got older and wiser and said, “Well, there is one important difference: only Dems support the right to abort a baby, so I should vote for them, if only for that reason.” But now that I’m even older and probably senile, I’m more like, “You know what, fuck ‘em. For years they’ve been getting my vote – even though I disagree with 90% of the candidate’s policies – just because they say ‘ooooh the republicans are even woooooorse BOO SCARY REPUBLICANS!’”
And after 6 elections of this, watching dems go more to the right every time (while still supporting abortion), it’s beginning to dawn on me that THEY CAN KEEP PLAYING THIS GAME UNTIL THE VERY END. Even after Goldman Sachs has used all our money to build a giant platinum Cartier spaceship to escape the burning wreckage of the earth, even after all Americans have been reduced to living in old cardboard breakdancing mats, and our only food is the worms we pick out of our companions’ open sores, the democrats will still come around every 4 years saying, MY OPPONENT WANTS TO CUT OFF BOTH YOUR LEGS, BUT I ON THE OTHER HAND. . . .
I’m not saying there’s some illuminati conspiracy here where a bunch of guys met in a room and said, “Hey what if we had one party that was always just an ass hair away from the worst party ever?”   There’s no conspiracy – just dems and repubs both chasing the same campaign contributions that only the rich can provide. . .. and the rich are all super free-market-ass, deregulate everything-ass, ship all the jobs to china-ass, let the poor pay all the taxes-ass motherfuckers.
But seriously though: here’s just a partial list of the issues that obama and Romney agree on:
1)      continued war in afganistan
2)      environmental problems or regulation
3)      campaign finance reform
4)      prosecution for wall street clowns involved in 2008 meltdown
5)      guantanamo bay prison
6)      drone executions of American citizens
7)      spying on basically everyone’s phone and emails
8)      tax havens and offshore accounts
9)      corporate welfare and crazy subsidies
10) the war on drugs
11)  socialized medicine / affordable healthcare
12) Breaking up too-big-to-fail banks
13) Gun control
14) Cutting social security and medicare
But who cares, right?  Because Romney is a polygamist dog-roofer, and Obama is a Kenyan socialist!
Which brings us to the media. No self-repecting political rant would be complete without a media sub-rant!
Instead of thinking “It’s our job to grill politicians of both parties on issues that OUR AUDIENCE, AVERAGE AMERICANS thinks are important (i.e. the list above),” the media thinks, “It’s our job to make this THE MOST EXCITING PRESIDENTIAL HORSE-RACE EVER by magnifying the tiny differences between candidates into huge differences, turning tiny gaffes into Watergate-level scandals, and whipping the American people into such an angry apocalyptic froth that mass shootings break out nationwide all summer.”

Because of the "presidential horse race" mentality, the press avoids all the issues which the candidates agree on. To our media, asking a question about campaign finance reform or electronic wiretapping would be like putting a basketball hoop up at a football game – totally useless, because neither candidate would be able to score points with it. 

Maybe you’ll say, “But sir! Why not vote for a third-party candidate? Why not vote for someone you actually believe in?” HA!   Remember when Gore lost the election and people blamed it all on Nader? “You Nader voters cost Gore the election!” and the Nader voters said, “No, it was GORE that cost Gore the election – if he was more liberal I would have gladly voted for him.” 
I used to think that was like, “duh. Nader voters 1, Gore, 0.  Fuck Gore and the PMRC!”
But then it turns out that Nader’s green party got a lot of money from the repbublicans, specifically to divide the Dem vote. Doh! 
(And, more recently, we have Dems giving 1.5 million to help Todd Akin win the nomination for Republican candidate, because they suspected he might be a total idiot. Well, that’s not really helping me illustrate my point about the futility of third-party candidates, but it’s still a pretty funny story. Best prank of 2012 if you axe me.)
My point is, third-party candidates generally are just pawns of the better-funded 2 main parties, who use the third-party to split the vote of the other major party. 
Voting 3d-party is either for dupes or idealists that actually want to make America a better place. I am neither. A Romney presidency would obviously be disasterous for America and that is what I am going for. See, Dems will only return to the left side if they’re more scared of voters than they are of losing the big-money corporate contributions. And the more Romney fucks up the country, the more  of a left-wing backlash it will generate: the country gets so fucked up that even conservatives lose their jobs and become raging communists.  
Go Romney! Let’s make this happen!

18 Comments so far

  1. cbp August 24th, 2012 6:18 pm

    Not one of your best ideas.

  2. Nadr August 25th, 2012 6:12 am

    Quite destructive aren't we.

  3. Miles August 26th, 2012 7:53 am

    Hey! I miss your Japan writing!
    Time to change the name of this blog?
    Do you not even live in Tokyo anymore?

    ~ Longtime reader, sometimes commenter

  4. random August 26th, 2012 10:09 am

    i understand your idea, but i think its a shame as a human being. thats like voting for hitler and expect that the whole world will get the point of equality. I also wonder where this leftwing backlash should come from. you as an US citizien maybe expect that things will go worse under Romney. But i think the point where everything is so worse that people will do something is long gone. its worse already.  Marx expected that all workers will unite if its bad enough for long enough. but nothing happend. the poor already have no voice. the sick are allready dying. so this point will never happen and you can be sure that your vote helped for every Romney started war which may happen in the future. that is a sad thing to know.
    and on the other hand what do you expect from this "raging communists"? its nice to hope for such an uprising but it will change nothing because the leftwing or counterteabaggers or whatever they might be called fail to connect to the main part of society. see arab spring, see occupy and so on. maybe you should go to a nice place and dont care about such things anymore 😀

  5. Name August 27th, 2012 4:12 am

    You sound condescending and pathetic.

  6. anon August 27th, 2012 11:43 am

    You're wasting your time standing in line to vote. The popular vote is peanuts. All you need is the Electoral College to win.

  7. HSSL-TYO August 28th, 2012 3:58 am

    I have Miles' sentiment. What's up with Japan life?

    About the elections, it seems to me that the dems have taken a right turn to such an extent that the reps have to go even further to the right in order not to lose their identity. What they end up with is extreme right wing policy that even has people in Alabama n stuff struggling to co-sign. So what they have left is a big smear campaign against a 'socialist from Kenia'. As a European, considering Barry a socialist is hilarious.

  8. langong August 28th, 2012 12:40 pm

    Man, your posts used to be fun and informational about Japan which we all want to learn more, not this!

  9. meh August 28th, 2012 6:26 pm

    i hate you and you are correct

  10. François August 29th, 2012 3:11 am

    A godwin point for Mr. Random ! Damn that was fast.
    For my opinion, I'd say that our webmaster here is too optimistic : The spindoctors will spin, and even the worst fuckup will turn into wonderland. Cases in point : some people are nostalgic of Bush's years, Karl Rove still has good standing amonst conservatives, and some of the biggest Iran haters still love Oliver North.
    At worse, they'll say they couldn't push their reforms far enough, and that failure was because of the opposition of the fancy-pansies.
    On the other side, it's true that Obama has deceived about all of the tremendous hope people put in him.
    Interesting point that I had no idea about, about the smaller parties.

  11. static August 29th, 2012 5:23 am

    yo schultz, i'm glad to see you're still alive amidst the crazy fukushima fallout. i tried to read your blog at work today only to be rejected because your site is categorized as porn. keep it real! good to see you're still as frothy as ever.

  12. admin August 29th, 2012 6:15 am

    @all: You’re right – America is perfectly capable of getting much more economically fucked without a huge left backlash. However, to put it less apocalyptically: even without a huge left backlash there are still a substantial amount of people who want better health care, less income disparity, stricter gun laws, an end to the war on drugs, etc, . . . and Democrats en masse voting for Romney just as a “fuck you” would force the Democratic leadership to say, “Hey, we can’t take those voters for granted anymore.” There’s never been a big populist/leftish change in American politics without a bunch of grassroots groups pressuring politicians into it.

    Also: me voting republican means that when the Repubs find a way to throw out my vote (and they will!), the joke is on them!

  13. admin August 29th, 2012 6:17 am

    @ people who wish i would go back to only writing about Japan: please stay tuned for my upcoming 50,000 word fan-fiction biography of Hide (spoiler alert: he is Ron Paul).

  14. random August 29th, 2012 6:30 pm

    its wrong to assume that the democrats will come to the same conclusion. maybe they think they should be more right to get back their ex-voters?
    i would like to see a strong US left but thats just ridiculous. leftwing grassgrown movement made in the US? as i said above this movement even when it would exist would fail to connect to the main part of society because noone really cares. the next problem would be the terminology. so you somehow have to teach people the right words for something they dont care about. for example whats left and whats socialism etc.
    and THEN you have to argue with someone which will say "jesus said" at the beginning of every sentence.
    it is impossible to really change something without touching every american topic ever.
    your idea of a protest vote is nice but just the wrong way imho.

  15. random August 29th, 2012 6:44 pm

    sry for doublepost.
    i know this site like 10years. i dont know where and how you live at the moment and i am to lazy to look it up at TDR it really doesnt matter. changes sometimes can be sad. i like the concert photos and first hand popculture stuff but i think the most important parts are the translations and kanjidamage. i cant thank you enough for these two things.

  16. Fred October 5th, 2012 2:05 am

    A strong U.S. Left You say?
     LOL Do you even know what the left stands for, and practices on a regular basis?
     The U.S. Left rivals what the japanese were like during WW2.
    I was in international politics, I've seen, and been the target of the U.S. left.
    Most of it IS classified "Out of sight, Out of mind".
    The U.S. Left has helped, and continues to help our enemies that is against our national, economic interests.
    Consider yourselves lucky that you really don't know what the U.S. left is really like.
    The U.S. Left would LOVE IRAN, that is exactly what the U.S. Left is like.
    My name is not real, my e-mail is not real.

  17. random October 6th, 2012 7:14 pm


    i dont know how "they would love iran" can be used as a thing to describe someone.
    i dont know about which group you are talking and how its possible to be a target of them?
    did they ask you something in a discussion or did they send killersquads? oO
    a lot of things you talk about are very unclear. if you really want to talk about it please explain what you mean. i can only assume what you mean and that makes it impossible to argue with you.

  18. Victor October 7th, 2012 5:24 am

    Would you like the zombie-shit sandwich, or would you prefer the hobo-vomit pancakes? The two-party system is meaningless.

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