Tokyo Damage Report

’70s punk humor

Lately I’ve been listening a lot to these compilations of shitty ’70s punk. There are entire rival series of multiple CDs of rereleases   . . . for example the KILLED BY DEATH series, the HYPED TO DEATH series, BLOODSTAINS, BACK TO FRONT, MESSTHETICS, HOMEWORK,  and of course the WE DON’T series (we don’t want your fucking war, we won’t be your fucking poor, we don’t need your fucking law . . .and their thrashier american cousins the “we got power” series) .

Each series has like a dozen CDs, and each CD has around 20 bands , and each band only ever released one 7″ and then broke up because they were JUST AWFUL.   Not like offensive awful, or that’s-not-music-that’s-just-noise-how-can-you-kids-listen-to-that awful. Just really generic and uninspired and as boring as anything on the radio type awful.

Anyway I had this idea that early punk was way more funny and topical and would just take whatever gruesome murder or terrorist plot or disease outbreak from that day’s newspaper and write a funny offensive gross song about it.  But the reality is 90% of ’70s punk tunes are about girls.  Or general teen “I want excitement and I don’t like being told what to do” type stuff.  So fucking boring.

So I started asking myself, “From where did I get the impression that ANY punk tunes were gross-out tasteless songs plucked from then-current headlines?”  And I went through all the track listings of the old comps and picked up the best gross-out band names and also the most offensive song titles.

Most of these are ’70s-style Ramones-sounding punk. Some are from the early ’80s, because I just thought they were funny and plus the whole Punk-vs.-hardcore feud is petty and who gives a shit.


Hellen Keller

the Algebra mothers

the Crap detectors

Amoebas in chaos

The beef people

The space negros

Chemicals made from dirt

Tiny desk unit

Suspect device

Starvation army

Sado nation


Shit dogs


Uranium savages

Ronnie & the Rayguns

The remedials


Benedict Arnold and the traitors

Proud scum

Johnny and the self abusers

The viletones

The grim klone band

Big balls and the great white idiot

Teenage head

The child molesters

The homosexuals

The inner-propriates

Auntie pus


Ralph and the ponytails

The spurts

The diagram brothers

The avocados

Buddy hernia

The white brothers

Six minute war

Disco zombies

Dry rib

The desperate bicycles

They must be Russians

Dr. sadistic and the silverking crybabies


Crazy jack and the automatics


Alberto y lost trios paranoias

Velvet monkeys

The zoo types

Rubella ballet

The vomit pigs

The k-tels

The rude kids

The Tits

The Not Sensibles

The Scrotum Poles

The Spelling Mistakes

The Throwaways

The scabs

Classy Punk

The Pinochet Boys


Loose Prick

The Buttocks

The Tragics

The bitch boys

The crap detectors

Dow Jones and the Industrials

The Pseudo Existors

The Pathetix

Lenny and the Lawbreakers

The Bored

James white and the blacks

The del-byzanteens

The Massacre Guys

The Soul Dads

Jackie shark and the beach butchers

The New York Niggers

Johnny vomit and the leather scabs

The child molesters

The hillside stranglers

The rotters

Kevin short and his privates

Frothy shakes

Fatty brats

The shit dogs

Cracked actor

Mark truth and the liars

The nubs

Rude Norton

Gay cowboys in bondage

Broken talent

Kill the hostages

Dirt shit

The Diffi-Cult

New Small Appliances

White wreckage

The hated principals

Penis brigade

Tutu and the pirates

Johnny vomit and the dry heaves

Beluga and the human ashtrays

Amazing space frogs

the Androids of mu

Instant agony

The walking abortions

Angela Rippon’s bum

Adolf and the piss artists

The sick things

Acme sewage co.





Official Hooligan

Disco destruction

Have you got 10p?

I wish you dead

Never trust a friend

Back on the piss again

I hate people

Mickey mouse is dead

Zyklon b movie

I fucked the pope

I’m a bastard

Abort the royal family

Positive shithead

Fuck Religion, Fuck Politics, Fuck The Lot Of You!

Faggot in the family

New wave negro girl

Set yourself on fire

Master race rock

Back to bataan

Gas the punx

They saved hitler’s cock

My old man’s a fatso

You stupid jerk

God damn mother fucking son of a bitch

Time for smack

Oh shit!

Putrid scum

I hope you get drafted

Bomb the Russians

Waiting for the meat

Hank Williams was queer

Idiots at happy hour

Punk rock jail bait

Fuck that funk

USS foreskin

Killer in the senate

Commando raid on Mr. Rogers

Fascist ice cream

Hamburger hairdo

Shoot Charlton Heston

Punk’s dead, you’re next

Anarchy Burger (hold the government)

Frog stomp

Let’s have a war

I don’t care about you (fuck you)

We destroy the family

Baby you’re so repulsive

Kill the bouncers at the ritz

Gross-out on 40 deuce

Beershit/disco loner

Sperm bank baby

I wanna be a nark

Loner with a Boner

White nigger

Faggot in the family

Snuffing like that

Gobbin’ on life

Keep Britain untidy

Shit Stirrer

Up yer bum

Banned from the pubs

I am  a cliché

I am a poseur

Warrior in Woolworths

Fellatio sucks, it’s for dicks

Social bitch

Knife manual

3 seconds of pleasure

Get the MUNI driver

Mom likes drugs

My dog’s into anarchy

I can’t stand my baby

Notes and chords mean nothing to me

Kill someone you hate

Standing in front of poseurs

Fascists eat donuts

Ripped off and promoted lame

Bummed-out guy

What’s this shit called love?

Meat house

Pay to cum

Jesus entering from the rear

Slave to my dick

Everyone’s a bigot

Rapist in the park

American buttfuckers

How can I kill you

Redneck asshole

Stab the judge

Death to humanity

Kill the president

Fuck it

I’ve seen it vomit

I could puke

I’m useless

Un-national Ant

Dead Cubans

Hijack victim

Do the Uganda

I hate football

What the fuck

Shoot the pope

My dad’s a fucking alcoholic

Kill the bee gees

I’m the hillside strangler

Radiation masturbation

Decadent Jew

We’re all frothy

Stay in shape with the orgy poppers

Excuse my spunk

Mindless contentment

I don’t wanna work

Sink the whales

Thrashing with your parents

Son of Sam

Dead rock n rollers

Kill Herb Caen

I want sex

Suburban bitch

Reject yourself

Embalmed love

I’m a mess

No more babies

Rape parade

Work to consume

Let’s get rid of new york

Nothing means nothing anymore

14 year old lover

Rock n roll is dead

Get out of my pocket

The earthquake shake

Idi Amin

Kick her in the dirt

Toilet love

Mommy I’m a misfit

Adolph, you beauty

My father is a fascist

Rape her

Hate me

Daddy is my pusher

I’m in love with Margaret thatcher

Kill me I’m rotten

Willing Cripples

Day doult

Bad sex

Put an end to it all

the medium was tedium

There is no shower

Please don’t make another bass guitar mr. rickenbaker

Shark fucks

Teenage wino

I’m a cliché

Gucci pucci asshole

Christian rat attack

Klill the innocent

Buttfuckers try to run by life

1,000 lives to die

Learn to hate in the 80s

Swastikas for Christ

Pee pee in the disco mommy

Blank stare baby

Beat me to a pulp

Christian rat attack

Marmalade freak

I don’t wanna eat with the family.

Life ends

Batman in the laundrette

I’m so glad the king is dead

You make me sick

Jet trash disco date

X amount of grief

Blank space

Rock n roll hangover


For adolfs only

The joke’s on us

Surfing with steve and ed amin

Whos punk ? Your mother

Cops are punks

Swastika girl

Rats (with cocks this long)

Mein death kamph shuffle

Dump the chump (reprise)

I, bizarro

Legalize crime

Beatnicks looking for tourists

Belsen was a Gas

Little metal teeth

I wish I had a big cock like iggy pop

Wanna see you cry

Asexuality in the 980s

Teddy crashes blond dies

On whom they beat

We were that noise

Kill me

Richard nixon’s better than sex

Chop up your mother

Love sucks

24 hour protection

Kick her

White boy funeral

Kill the hostages


So  I guess I was not altogether wrong about the “gross out offensive funny songs from headlines that day” aspect.  I don’t think there are bands out there today with songs like “i wanna be droned” or “casey anthony have and then kill my baby” or “shove newt gingritch’s head up rush limbaugh’s ass and then eat a sandwitch” or “steubenville gang rape” or   “osama’s ghost on my boner” or “I wanna serial kill everyone in the movie theater” or whatever.

(Correct me if  you have any counter- examples from modern awful bands.)

But it seems to me that that kind of  antisocial behavior  would not be tolerated in music these days. Yet people routinely instagram/facebook stuff that is way more offensive , not to mention very personal about themselves.  So it’s not like society got better since the ’70s.   Maybe the mainstream became so crude that punkers couldn’t parody it anymore?


4 Comments so far

  1. sephim August 13th, 2013 7:47 am

    You posted ‘Faggot in the family’ twice.

    Also available for download –

    I think Aryan Disgrace belongs in the band names list.

    So, I clicked that link and there’s just something hilarious about a “rapid HIV test result form”.

    I’m just glad the results were negative, so this way I don’t look like a total prick.

  2. doug milman August 16th, 2013 12:28 pm

    I don’t think you you really get the intellectual art humor of good punk vs bad stupid anti thought punk. I was in Chemicals Made From Dirt and we had a whole cd of topical, funny abstract pop songs with killer riffs.

  3. admin August 16th, 2013 3:52 pm

    @doug: thanks for writing! I heard your song PANIC NO FUSION on the “homework 105″ bootleg, and I thought it was pretty good. How did you find out about Tokyo Damage Report? And maybe I don’t get the intellectual art humor! But in my defense, I’m not saying that tasteless punk always equals really good punk. I’m just pointing out that there was a certain kind of tasteless song that fell out of vogue when punk turned into hardcore. And maybe I’m wrong about that , too!

  4. AnokPanda September 16th, 2013 10:26 am

    Some how “the Buttocks” is the best, it’s like they didn’t even have to try, and still won.

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