Stop me if you’ve heard this one:
A religion develops a ‘new’ messiah, a puny spin-off of the main god, who gradually grows in popularity over time . . . the new version of god gets more and more jealous as his followers accumulate more earthly power, and eventually insists that he is the ONLY version of god, and the ‘old’ god is but a false idol. The minions of the new version insist the old-school true-believers mend their ways, or be put to death, or torture. All the while they keep insisting they’re only killing to HELP the old-school true-believers truly understand God better by giving the new messiah – the Usurper – a chance.
The Spanish Inquisition? The infamous Torquemada?
No. Moses! Big Moishe!
The only reason Moses is seen as a savior of the Israelites and Torquemada as their arch-nemesis is, Torquemada didn’t finish the fucking job.
If that comparison sounds crazy, or anti-Semitic to you, that just shows you how good a job Moses did of re-writing the history books. . . . erasing all memory of the old-school true-believer Jews of his day.
I’m talking about the Golden Calf worshipers.
Those were the ‘bad’ Jews in the Biblical desert,, just like the Spanish Jews were ‘bad’, 2,000 some-odd years later. . . .’bad’ because they didn’t realize that the new spin-off God was now the main, and ONLY God.
In the Torah (and the old testament), the Golden Calf Worshipers were Jews that got tired of waiting for Moses to come down from the mountain, and reverted back to worshiping their pagan idol. Actually, the Golden Calf is a metaphor, or a composite, of the dozens and dozens of Middle-East gods that most Jews worshiped ALONG WITH Jehovah. At that time, even a thousand years after the Jewish religion began, poly-theism was STILL as Jewy as eating challah and circumcision. Sure, the Israelites thought Jehovah was the MOST IMPORTANT, but they hedged their bets. In fact, even that (having a Most Important God) was normal for the OTHER middle-east tribes at the time – even the pagans and Philistines, etc, had a main god for the city-state in which they were born.
so Moses is painted as a hero, even though basically he really liked killing Jews. like, the first thing he did after coming down the mountain and telling people THOU SHALT NOT KILL is kill Jews. the golden-calf guys.
Just like the Jews of Middle-aged Europe , the ones persecuted by Torquemada, the golden calf jews were like, “Yo, this new spin-off god of yours, ‘jehovah’ or what-have-you, he’s A’ight, but we’re going to keep it real over here. we’re going to keep it old-school. How are we wrong for worshiping the way our ancestors did? If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.”
compare with; “Yo, this new spin-off god of yours, ‘jesus’ or what-have-you, he’s A’ight, but we’re going to keep it real over here. we’re going to keep it old-school. if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.”
To which Moses and Torquemada replied, “Well how about if YOU’RE broken? Motherfucker?”
(not to mention the totally psycho episode with the unfortunate fool gathering sticks on the sabbath. Not only did Moses kill him too, but he made everyone else in the tribe help -or else. Not only THAT, they killed him in the most laborious, labor-intensive, sabbath-break-y way to murder a man; stoning. Big Mo could of just had ONE Israelite cut the poor guy’s throat, that would barely qualify as labor. But no – he had to make the whole tribe labor picking up and throwing heavy stones in the hot sun all fucking day, to teach them not to labor on the sabbath. Just like how he killed to teach them that killing is wrong. (I mean Moses is kind of the Oliver Cromwell of his day – he starts out overthrowing the king and leading the people to freedom, then he just keeps killing people like he was addicted to it. Except most folks now admit that Cromwell was a genocidal booger.))
It’s not just the violence that I find scary- there’s this attitude of “I’m trying to help you be a better Jew, and you just won’t listen! Where’s the ‘Thank yous?'”
History is full of people from Totally Different Religions fighting over whose god is better. History is also full of people – mostly Muslims at this point – fighting over which interpretation of the Holy Book is better.
But this whole Moses / Torquemada thing, where the True Believers try to go Monotheistic, but their One God keeps gradually gradually splitting into new sub-gods, Trinities, or Messiahs, and they have to purge their own ranks every millennium, just to make it properly monotheistic again . . . this is some unique shit. It’s a peculiar Judeo-Christian madness.2 comments