Tokyo Damage Report


1     The Only Way I Would Ever Laugh At Saturday Night LIve Is If A Cast Member Died Slowly Of Ebola In A Single Hour-Long Shot.
2      .. . . Or The Plague.
3      Where’s My Fucking Phone
4      Wedge Heels Are Just Plain Ugly (The Worst Kind Of Heel)
5       Oakleys; The Douche For Eyes
6       Snowboarder Vs. Several Yeti
7      Theme From Shat
8       drop ‘b’ tuning : why don’t you just fart into a microphone and then set $3,000 on fire?
9        Stuusy vs. Several More Yeti
10      Cormac Mccarthy and Oliver Stone Fight To Death  With Flaming Dildos; Humanity Wins
11     Leaf Blower Up Your Butt
12      These Comix Reprints Have 90% The Same Content  (Is Why I’m Pissed)
13      I Ate My Damn Salad And I’m Still Fat
14      French People (Stop Rapping)
15       Forced Ugg Inhalation Is The Penalty
16      Can We Please Have One Hug That Doesn’t End In A Fart?
17      Cat’s Behind The Computer Again  (But I’m The One Who’s Gonna Get Yelled At)
18       Use The Pin Number (To Access Your Secret Code (Which Opens Your Security Question (Which Allows You To Download Your Customer Number))))
19      Fuck No I Don’t Want Your Special Offer
20      Seriously, Whole Foods?
21     Reconsider Having Long-Shorts With A Tribal Tattoo Running Down Your Shin
22       Who Is Plantar Fascitis’ Bitch? (Me, That’s Who)
23     Out Of Pens
24      Cursive Ain’t Shit
25      Metermaid Buried Under An Avalanche Of Tonsoliths
26      ‘Santa-Fe Style’ Is Straight Garbage (Let’s Just Make That Very Clear)
27       Novels Set In The 1800s Should Be Ground Up And Sold As Sleeping Pills
28 Actually, Pretty Much All Fiction Written Before 1960 Is Butt (Just Give Me Catch-22 And Dante’s Inferno And I’m Straight.)
29 Steam-Punk Gets Beat By Steam-Rednecks (Then Thrown In Jail By Steam-Police)
30     How Long Has That Rice Been Sitting There
31     No, You’re Not The Mohammas Ghandi Of Off-Leash Dog Owners
32     And You’re Not The MLK Of Bike Lane Martyrs Either, Asshole
33     Holy Shit, Is THAT What Colgate Tastes Like?
34     Drums Suck At Being Played By Me
35     If You’re So Much Smarter Than ‘Celebutards’, How About You Just Ignore Them
36     Who The Hell Amazoned Me A Book  With The Pictures Cut Out (That Person Vs. All Remaining Yetis)
37    How Is The AT&T Bill Always Twice What We Contracted For?
38    Left Hand Column of Huffington Post (Fuck It)
39     Asshole-strology
40     Sticky Mouse (the Blame Is Mine)
42     . . . Or Even Polonium,  (Frankly, Any FSB Assassination-worthy Fissile Material Would Do)
43    What The Fuck, Blue Part Of the Toner Nozzle?!?
44     Re: Forest Jocks Giving Me the Smart-eye On The Nature Trail
45     The Best Zits (Are Hardest To Reach)
46     Dsus4: Officially The Worst Chord
47     Someone Just Downloaded 200 ‘Exotica’ Albums  (But Not A Smart Person)



leave your own song titles in comments. let’s fucking do the ultimate grumpy old man album.


3 Comments so far

  1. langong January 20th, 2015 2:42 pm

    1-[TIL] Country Music is Trash Metal for pussy
    2- Next time Opium-Circle_Jerks Party, Count me in
    3- When weasels turned Pop
    4- Howl at moon for a certain reason
    5- Love is in the air inside my colons
    6- My twitter strength is trending
    7- Origami mushrooms Arts
    8- The foxes are dead, kids!

  2. admin January 23rd, 2015 1:20 pm

    rad! thanks

  3. Rick January 27th, 2015 3:04 pm

    Just two from my own personal curmudgeon experience:

    “I don’t have your store discount card, and no, I don’t want one.”

    “Bitch, I ain’t givin’ you my email address. Just ring up my fucking coffee, already.”

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