Tokyo Damage Report

biggest bitch-names for women now in their 40s

There’s already been a bunch of people making fun of  the sort of basic, aspirational, ‘trying to give my baby a movie-star name but it just makes  her sound like a stripper’ type names. (i.e. Mila/Dakota/Auden/Taylor/Skyler/Jacelyn/Ashley/Lindsey/Kayden)’


But I want to take it back to the 80s. Because we had bitch-names back then too, and it’s still relevant, because all those women are now your boss or your worst customer.

Without further preamble; IN DESCENDING ORDER OF BITCHINESS. . . . .

  • Patricia (bonus points if she says, “JUST TRICIA IS FINE” * tight smile*)
  • Meredith
  • Meghan
  • Trina/Tina/Tracy
  • Denise
  • DeAnne
  • Lori/Kristi/Vicki/Kerri/Kelli (tie)
  • Kimberly
  • Melinda / Melissa
  • Sandra
  • Erica

(I had to leave out names like Michelle, Julia, and  Heather, because 90% of all girls of that generation are named that. . . . too many false positives.)

Unlike today’s “Don’t name your girl that!” names,  these aren’t bad names because they’re too stripper-y (with the exception of that hideous 5-way tie), or too pretentious or too trendy-at-the-time.  They’re offensive because they sound like super uptight, arrogant managers in bleached-denim shoulder-padded pant-suits and crusty hair, who refuse to even give pregnant single moms a job interview after they’ve sat in the waiting room for 90 minutes.


Everyone , especially not-americans, please leave the equivalent names in your country, in the comments!


5 Comments so far

  1. 古山田咲郎 May 1st, 2015 3:18 am

    I know your last posts are not related to Japan anymore, but here’s a few contemporary Japanese names that for sure will make the offspring suffer:

    黄熊 guess, it’s supposed to be pronounced “Pooh”
    泡姫 “Arielle”

    Who for god’s sake would name a baby after a Disney character?

  2. szaszha May 16th, 2015 11:34 pm

    my favorite of late is Xanthippe. how much more pretentious can you get?

  3. sephim May 26th, 2015 7:16 pm

    古山田咲郎 – they’re not naming their kid after a Disney character, they’re naming them after a character from a story by Hans Christian Andersen…

    They’re not being contemporary, they’re being pretentious fucks.

  4. Dan June 13th, 2015 4:43 pm

    So in England we seem to have a few hick names akin to stripper names:
    Female Names: Demie, Skylar, Princess(actual name), Sami, anything -lousie or -may, Fraya (Seriously over the past 3 months I’ve met so many teens -> Babies with that name)

  5. Stan August 5th, 2015 3:05 pm

    I’m surprised that Mandy is not on the list.

    Every bitch I have ever known has been Mandy or Kristy/Christy. It’s sad, really. You give them the benefit of the doubt, but nope… they’re bitchy.

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