Tokyo Damage Report

more election satire

the news media dislike Trump so much not because ‘he’s turning the election into a reality show!’ but because he’s EXPOSING that it’s BEEN turned into a reality show for YEARS now,thanks to those same media. they’re pissed he’s blowing up their spot.

by emphasizing the horse-race aspect over serious policy, by commenting endlessly on personalities and flag pins and terrorist fist-bumps and etc, while censoring third-party candidates and avoiding issues that voters care about but which neither party cares about. . . the ‘real, serious’ media made it a reality show. By Citizens United and 501(c) fraud, they’ve made campaigns all about sponsors and ratings rather than democracy, and profited handsomely from that (who do you think GETS all those ‘unlimited anonymous campaign contributions?’ mostly tv stations, in the form of ad revenue)

So when they complain that he’s vulgar or fake, or that he’s not serious, they’re projecting. Honestly that could be the textbook example for psychoanalysis students.

If you make it a horse-race, eventually a fuckin horse is gonna enter the race.

Having said that, though, I’m halfway convinced that his whole campaign IS a stunt – specifically that it’s a radical viral marketing campaign for an actual reality show debuting in 2016, in which Trump will PLAY the POTUS. (tag line; “THEY SAID HE LOST THE REPUBLICAN PRIMARY. THE REPUBLICANS LOST THE TRUMP PRIMARY!”)


Like the producers’ll make a fake White House, a fake Oval Office, and then give him little challenges every week to see what he’ll do, and viewers can pay to ‘vote’ on if he handled it well. “This week; Israel bombs Russia – can The Donald broker peace between them?” He’d be perfect for that because, if you launch a shitload of “nukes” and “blow up the world”, you’ll still be back next week, provided it got good ratings. The producers will lecture him on-camera about how if he really was President the population would be dead or diseased, etc, and he’d just make funny faces in response.

The apocalyptic nature of the show will become apparent in the second season (you think there won’t be a second season?!?); the first season he tried to actually solve problems and not wreck the planet, but the occasions when he lost control got such higher ratings, that by the second season they’ll abandon any pretense that wrecking the country constitutes failure; abandon any pretense that there is any continuity from week to week. every episode is a re-start.

Plus there could be a revolving-door aspect;  every  real government official who was fired for scandal or incompetence could get a job on the reality show as PresiDonald’s cabinet member, giving him advice and shit.  Like all the times during the debates when he answered questions, “Well I don’t know the answer, but if I’m elected, I’ll learn, no prob.”   . . . well, those will be the jokers teaching him the answers.  If anything, this will only make the show more realistic.


They give him challenges that the REAL POTUS is facing that very week (i.e. russia, china, israel, syria, gun control, immigration) , things that the voters really want the real POTUS to solve for once and for all but he or she can’t ,because in real life those problems are difficult. But on the show, Trump’ll just be like “Nuke ’em all! Pew, pew, pew!! BOOOSHHHhhhh. How you like that, viewers!” and they will. Like it.  It’ll be like a wish-fulfillment fantasy.  “Why can’t the REAL president do that? Gummint sux!”

. . should just be limited to Adelson, the Kochs, Barbara, and Bibi Netenyahu having an on-stage pillow-fight over which one of their pet candidates should win the primary. They’re fed up with spending millions on ads that have very little effect – just settle it like gentlemen, and the losers agree to stop financing their pets, and everyone saves money. Free-market efficiency!!


Also, the next Repub debate is  RIGHT before halloween.  If that happened in The Simpsons, you’d be mad because, “it’s too unrealistic!”  Oct. 28th.


Really, the only way to do it is to watch it with the sound off and Bach’s Tocatta Fugue In D Minor (i.e. The Phantom Of The Opera / Rollerball joint) on loop the whole time.  Put some Ted Cruz / Fiorina effigies in the front yard to keep trick-or-treaters from approaching and interrupting.  Rad.





1 comment

1 Comment so far

  1. B.B. December 29th, 2015 1:53 am

    Trump POTUS reality show. Know any of his people? Pitch it. It’ll sell.

    Spot-on analysis too. “Make it a horse race and eventually a horse will enter.” It’s funny, but uncomfortably so.

Leave a reply