Tokyo Damage Report

Bernie Flips The Fuck Out


Goddamn it, you people! This could be the last free election before the whole system collapses from internal rot and corruption, and you’re just giving these states to Hillary?

Let me tell you something, my friends:  THIS WHOLE CORRUPT SYSTEM you’re so outraged about IS YOUR OWN FAULT.  It ALWAYS HAS BEEN.

Who kept voting for politicians who gave your jobs away, put your kids in jail, cut funding to your schools, allowed the NSA to read your mail, legalized a million ways for Wall St. to prey on you, and sent your kids out on a million bullshit wars THAT YOU CHEERED ON???? That was YOU guys.

And now you turn around and blame ‘corrupt Washington politicians’?!?!?  FUCK you.

How could you POSSIBLY AND FOR DECADES not realize it’s your fault?

Oh yeah, because the GOP isn’t going to openly say, “You fucking idiots, keep cutting your own throats hahahahahaha!” . . . and we reformers are so desperate for any help, that the LAST thing we want to do, is alienate you crappified fence-sitting morons by pointing out your own complicity.  So now, I gotta kiss your ass and pander to you, as you sit blissfully in your high chair, spilling your juice all over the place, blaming EVERYONE ELSE????

No more!

You hold our feet to the fire for every tiny gaffe, every tiny human mistake, you make jokes about our hair and hand gestures, while THE WHOLE TIME YOU WERE VOTING THE BIGGEST ASSHOLES INTO OFFICE AGAIN AND AGAIN.  So who made the REAL gaffe, fuckers?

“Hey I voted for a guy that locked up more people than the Chinese government while taking huge bribes from Big Oil, I voted for that guy for 12 years, but WHOA, THAT POLITICIAN SAID A CURSE WORD, man I’m embarrassed for THAT guy. Sucks to be him!”


What, you thought I was going to drop the mic? I’m just getting warmed up.  Turn the stove off, this is gonna take awhile.

Not only are you the most un-self-aware, hypocritical, irresponsible, low-information, judgmental-about-all-the-wrong-shit bunch of halfwits in the history of Democracy, but YOU’RE STILL DOING IT.

Even after I hipped you to the game, you’re STILL FUCKING DOING IT.

Because, you hear that?

That’s the sound of 90% of my fans switching to HRC simply because I told you the truth and you didn’t want to fucking hear it.

Great, the 2016 election is gonna turn out realllllll well for you people, you’ll get exactly what you deserve. Feh!

(drops mic)

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