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mp3 post: Ookubo Fukubukuro (大久保スタジオの福袋) – download link fixed


 


 

 ALBUM : OOKUBO STUDIO "LUCKY BAG"

BAND: never

GENRE: all types.

YEAR: 2002-2004

download the whole thing here. – LINK FIXED

sorry about that.


Japanese stores celebrate New Years (one of the biggest holidays in Japan) by giving out FUCKUBUKURO (literally, 'lucky bag'): grab-bags of clearance merchandise from the previous years. You never know what you will get – maybe a Chanel blouse, maybe some shrimp-infested odor-eaters. In other words, the Mystery Bag.

 

Today's MP3 download is the Ookubo Fukubukuro – the Mystery Bag of all the songs I recorded in my first few years in Japan, when I lived in the Ookubo neighborhood. If you open it up, no telling what you might get. Maybe some heavy metal. Maybe some beats. Most likely some Japanese-language rap. This is when I thought rapping in Japanese was easy. Turns out it's way harder than it looks, because not only do the ends of the rhyming words have to match, but the INTONATION of the words has to match too, and dictionaries don't even explain what the intonations ARE, let alone if they match other, similar-sounding words.  For those of you who still want to try your hand at Nihongo rappin', here is my BILINGUAL INSULT-RAP DICTIONARY.

Anyway, on with the liner notes.


BERO BERO

(bero bero is the sound effect of being shitfaced drunk. The samples are from some nameless Enka tune).

酒飲みhomey
濁り酒 に 強い
俺の好み すごい興味
シャンパンは 品質良い
けどう 五郎 の方が 効率 の いい。
氷 結構。 ストレート が いいよ。
満足の前に 肝臓 が 詳しいよ。

新宿駅で毎晩 アル中 を
拝観 できる!
スピリツ を 快感 けどう 実は
裁断 が 無理。 神経 が 鈍い 
階段ご注意!
うわああーー! 落ちた。飲みすぎた。 
でいすいしゃ が 堕落
した。

ベロベロ マーナ が ゼロゼロ
デブがなんとなく エロ。 弁当 を 
ゲロゲロ
下戸下戸にテロ。 助けろ!

乾杯 が いっぱい
知能 が 失敗
二杯、 三杯
お酒満載
山海 を 始まる
惨害 に なる
何が酔っ払って寝る
タダ 残骸
飲むの が チョウ過大
盛大 に 酔っ払い
良識 を 反抗 じゃない
明快 な 話 が 出ない。
急に寝たい アルコル の 成敗
明日、 今の事 を 覚えない。

生態からリリクが吐く
ラップはワンカップ の 所為で
超 不明瞭 に なっちゃった
あったかい 日本酒 を もらった
すぐ取るすぐ注ぐ
毎夜 アルコル を 凝る
即 自身  毒を盛る
よく2日酔い
三日酔い 四日酔い
ひどくゲロっぽい
三時に起きる、難事 の 頭痛
ガバ の 穴 を 似る
万事が痛い
死体見たいな感じ
鏡で顔をみない。

ショットバー スタンドバー
外人バー ゲーバー
状態 は 荒れた
ウオッカ 飲み放題
チョウダイ!
苺ミルクチェーサ
飲めば喜ぶ
頼むのが ちゃんと 成れた 
-スラスラ
“も一杯ジンロ!”
腎臓 が クタクタ 頭がクラクラ
金玉がムラムラけどチンコ が フワフワ。

ベロベロ マーナ が ゼロゼロ
デブがなんとなく エロ。 弁当 を 
ゲロゲロ
下戸下戸にテロ。 助けろ!

Sakenomi homey
Nigorizake ni tsuyoi
Ore no konomi , sugoi Kyomi
Shannpan  wa hinshitsu yoi
Kedou gorou no hou ga koritsu no ii
Kouri kekko, sutore-to ga ii yo
manzoku mae ni kanzou ga kuwashii yo
shinjuku eki de maiban, aluchuu wo
haikan dekiru !   supiritsu wo kaikan,
kedou 実は saidan  ga muri! 
Shinkei ga Nibui — kaidan go chuui! 
Uwaa- ochita, nomi sugita.
Desuisha ga Darakushita! 
 


Bero bero! Mana ga zero zero
Debu ga nantonaku ero ero ero,
bento wo gero gero
Geko  geko ni tero! Tasukero!

 


kanpai
chinou ga shi-pai
ni hai sanbai 
osake mansai
sankai wo hajimaru
sangai ni naru
nani ga yo-parate neru
tada zangai

nomu no ga chou kadai
seidai ni yo-parai,
ryoushiki wo hankou janai
meikai … na… hanashi denai,
kyuu ni netai, arukoru… no seibai
ashita, imano  koto oboenai . . .
Seitai kara riri-ku ga haku
Rappu wa wan ka-pu no sei de chou
fumeiryou ni na-cha-ta
atta kai
nihonshuu wo mora-ta
sugu toru sugu sosogu
maiyoru arukoru o koru
soku jishin toku wo omoru 
yoku futsuka yoi
mika yoi yo-ka yoi
hidoku gero-poi.
sanji ni okiru nanji no zutsuu
Gaba no ketsu wo niru
Banji ga itai. . .
Shitai mitai  na kanji . . .
kagami de kao wo minai

shot ba- stand ba-
gaijin ba- ge-ba-
joutai wa areta
uo-ka nomihodai
choudai!
ichigo miruku che-sa
nomeba yorokobu
tanomu no ga chanto nareta
"mou ippai jinro " sura sura,
jinzou ga kutakuta, atama ga kurakura,
 kintama ga muramura, chinko ga fuwafuwa


 
The homey who likes to drink
I am capable of handling a lot of
Unfiltered sake
It is my taste I am really interested in it
Champagne is very high quailty,
But "gorou" is more efficient.
No ice, please, straight is fine.
Before I am fully satisfied,
my liver will be suffering

At shinjuku train station,
very night you have the honor of
witnessing the alcoholics
Spirits are great fun,
but the truth is judgement is impossible.
Your nerve cells become dull,
watch out for the staircase!
Hey! He fell down, drunk too much,
the boozer got  corrupted!

Shitfaced drunk! No manners. 
The ugly girl is somehow erotic.
Barfing up one's lunch. 
A terror to the non-drinker. 
Someone save me

a whole bunch of toasts
my  intillect is failing
2 cups, 3 cups
filled to capacity with liquor
at first, a sumptuous feast
turned into ruinous damage
what is passed out? Just wreckage!
drinking very excessively
drunk on a large scale  / magnificently
fighting against common sense , aren't I?
An articulate statement I can't do it.
Suddenly I want to sleep,
it's the alcohol damage.
Tomorrow I won't remember a thing.

from my larynx, my lyrics are vomited
it is the fault of "one cup" sake that my rap is
delivered in a slurred
and incomprehensible fashion
warm japanese sake was received!
Soon pick it up, soon pour it
Every night, I am devoted to alcohol
In other words, I poison myself
Often hungover . . .
2 days hungover, 3 days hungover ,
hideously vomit-y feeling!
Wake up at 3 pm, with an incurable headache
Resembling a Hippopotamus' ass
Everything hurts
The feeling of being a dead body
I don't  look at myself in the mirror.

Shot bar, Stand-bar, Foreigner's bar, Gay bar
My physical condition is ghetto
All-you-can-drink vodka? Gimme it!
With a Strawberry Milk Chaser
If I can drink it, I am joyous
I have successfully adapted to
ordering drinks in Japanese
"one more Jinro!" ? it is effortless
my Kidneys are exhausted, head is spinning
balls are horny, weenus is spongy.

 


IN WO FUMANAI, TSUMANNAI!

(in wo fumu is a Japanese idiom meaning, to make a rhyme. But for some reason where we English-speakers say MAKE a rhyme, the Japanese say "STEP ON a rhyme". Huh?)

仮借なく
無限てきな性能を表す
百トンブーツ で 韻をヤベ踏む
損害が来る
無類 ライムわ武器のような問題
手や足 を 切るー 君は盆栽
この詩句は難解 でも来会に悪化

うまくなかった な ラッパ 
わざわざ どこでもある 曲 
よく出っちゃった
私が敵
その 奴達 の 姿を 破棄
自分の詩 の書き方 は 混交
深遠 や バカなところを 協調
変な方法けどう。。。

挑戦 は 超不便
健康に悪い
自滅が好き?
不義虫!
おって気絶させる
次 重要な傷をあげる
例えば 刎ねる
雌豚!
Microphone の柄 を 硬く握る
刀のような かんじ、 
効果は 惨事過ぎる!
ウワアアア!!!!

韻をふまない
ツマラナイ!
頭を踏む
金玉も踏む!

譲れ! 無冠が来る
手腕を振るうように
余地が欲しい
最初、才能がないよ というMC
の 内臓 をSONY AIBO 
に 食わせる
このしかた で ダサいライムが 減る
つまらないリリック
耐える変わりに 暴れる
はじめまして!
君のライムはゼンゼン普通
技術 を なんとかして 
下手 を超えた
ヤベーな!
俺を蹴倒す 殺す
見下げ果てた 頭を刎ねた
へたり込んでた
傷ヲペタペタ叩く
血がベタベタ
うじ虫が湧く
彼女は ゲロを吐く
それでわ wack mcs 減額
sucker を かかわれば
韻 を 変わりに 頭を踏む
金玉も踏む
彼らのCDを砕く
爆弾のような詩
オナニより気持ち いい。


Kashaku naku
Mugenteki na seinou arawasu
Hyaku tonn bu-tsu de in wo yabe fumu
Songai ga kuru
Murui raimu wa buki  no youna mondai

Te ya ashi kiru  ? kimi wa  bonsai
Kono Shiku wa nankai
Demo raikai  ni akka
Umakunakatta na rappa wazawaza dokodemoaru kyoku YOku de-cha-ta .
Watashi ga  kataki
sono yatsutachi no sugata wo  haki
jibun no shi no kaki kata
wa konkou  – shinen ya  baka na tokoro wo   kyouchou
hen na houhou kedou. .  .
Chousen wa chou fuben
Kenkou ni warui
Jimetsu ga suki?
Fukimushi!
o-te kizetsu saseru
tsugi
juuyo na kizu ageru
tatoeba haneru
mesu buta!
Microphone no tsuka  wo kataku nigiru
Katana no you na kanji , kouka wa sanji 
sugiru,
Uwaaaaa—! 

in wo fumanai – tsumannai
atama wo fumu. Kintama mo fumu!!

yuzure! Mukan ga  kuru
Shuwan wo furuu yo ni,
Yochi ga hoshi,
Saishou, sainou ga nai,yo, mc
 no naizou wo BOKUNO sony aibo
ni kuwaseru
Kono shikata de dasai raimu ga heru
Tsumaranai riri-ku taeru
kawari ni, Abareru
Hajimemashite!

Kimi no raime wa zenzen futsuu
Gijutsu wo  nan tokashite heta wo  koeta ,
yabe,na!!!
ore wo ketaosu
Korosu

Misage hateta atama wo haneta
Hetari kondeta
 kizu wo peta peta tataku 
chi ga beta beta
uji-mushi ga waku,
kanojo wa gero o haku

soredewa  wack mcs gengaku.
Sucker wo kakawareba
In no kawari ni,
Atama wo fumu. 
Karera no CD wo kudaku
Bakudan no you na shi
Onani yori kimochi ii
Wheee!!!!

Without mercy,  an unlimited skill is displayed!
I stomp on the rhyme with hundred-ton boots
The damage is coming
My inimitable rhyme, is a  big problem
like a soldier’s weapon
Cut off your arms and legs
and make you a bonsai
This verse is very obscure / recondite.
But the next one is even worse!
The rapper who is untalented, yet on purpose makes the very clich? song,
this often happens, unfortunately.
I am the enemy!
Those clowns’ bodies will be 
tore up and thrown away.
The way I write my rhymes is a mixture of  the profound and the idiotic,
working in harmony.
It’s a strange method,  yes, but. . .
To challenge is very inconvinent!
Bad for your health
Do you love self-destruction?
You impolite insect!
Ill knock you out
Next
Give you a very important scar
For example, decapitation
Bitch!
The hilt of the microphone I hold tightly
like a samurai sword
The result is more than disasterous.

I don’t bust a rhyme, because that’s boring.
I bust heads. Also balls.

Make way! The uncrowned king is coming
I need room to reveal
 the full extent of  my capabilities.
First of all, the mc who has no skills,
I take his internal organs
and feed them to a Sony Aibo
With this method, the lame raps are reduced.
A boring lyric, instead of enduring it,
I rampage.
Nice to meet you!
Your rhyme is so normal
The technique is somehow surpassing badness
Fucked up!
I  kick you down, and kill you.
Decapitated your despicable head
sunk weakly to the ground.
I smack the wound repeatedly,
The blood is sticky
Maggots are breeding
Your girlfriend is throwing up
That’s how I curtail wack mcs.
If I catch a sucker,
Instead of rhyming 
I step on heads, and stomp on your golden balls.
their CD also gets crushed
The rhyme which is like a bomb
But more fun than masturbating!
Whee!!

I don’t bust a rhyme, because that’s boring.
I bust heads. Also balls.


 


HANA NO KAMISAMA

my first attempt at Japanese rhymes. Not very good. The sample comes from a Julee Cruise song – she's the lady that sings on all the David Lynch soundtracks.

おれの鼻はあなたの新しい神様
 (my nose is your new god)
魔法的な 弾 を 射られる…穴から 
 (a magical bullet can be launched from the hole,)
一方に 本棚より広い
 (furthermore, it is wider than a book-case)
そんなに 長い鼻は色っぽい
 (a nose this long is erotic)
急いで行かなくちゃ前から後ろ が スゴイ 遠い
 (you must run fast because it is a long way from the front to the back of it)
他の 奴ら “死んだパンダよりキモイーーー
 (some idiot said it is more pathetic than a dead panda)
ショボイと思います”
 (and that it is played-out, he thinks)
ブーブー
 (boo-boo!!)
全然しぼくない、 商品が まだ 高い
 (absolutely not played-out.  The quality is still good)
のに アレルギ に 弱い。
 (surprisingly however, it is weak when it comes to allergies)
鼻水がたれる、 安全 が 減る
 (the snot is dangling, the safety is decreasing)
あなたの 寝る時、 体が 塗れる
 (at the time when you are sleeping, your body is coated)
この 玩具、 どうか?
 (this kind of toy, how is it?)
ちょっとオチャメなこと? そうだ。
 (is it a mischevious action?  Yes, that is the case!)
操作は易しい・ 触ると望み
Sousa wa yasashi.  Sawaru to nozomi
(the operating procedure is very simple.  Touch it and make a wish)
と 言ったとたん 実現 するらしい。
 (and immidiately the wish will come true, it seems)
変な祈るご注意!
 (that is a strange prayer, be careful!)
でもちょう安い
 (but it is so cheap)
気前 いい から 割引 に 成った
 (I am so generous, so it has become on sale)
ickyな 液で ハナクソ を 三匹 飼った
 (in the icky liquid I am raising three boogers)
きみが 起きくと 知り会った。 どうだった?
 (when you wake up, you first became aware of them.  How was it?)
奴が 泣くなちゃった。
 (unfortunately, you cried)

 


SHUMI WA TSUMI
 

My second li'l Japanese rhyme. The music is made by chopping my own beat – this is before i even knew what 'chopping' WAS. Not only did i chop my beat, but every single measure i chop it differently, pretty much at random, so it's different every time – it feels improvised even though it's samples.

趣味は罪 とか 罪が趣味
Shumi wa tsumi toka tsumi ga shumi
(my hobby is crime, or is crime my hobby?)
どうち が いい かなあ ちょう 悪いだ
Douchi ga ii,  ka naa  chou warui da
(which is it?  Anyway it is really bad)
猿に ふりあいな ふるまい
Saru ni funi ai na furu mai
(I do the action which is unfit for even a monkey)
センターガイ の 髪 に おしっこ が 降りだ。
Sen-ta gai  no kami ni oshi-ko ga furi. Da.
(Urine rains on the head of the Center-guy!)

あの 交番 で 悪ひょうばん が ある。
ano kouban de akuhyouban ga aru
(at that police station, i have a bad reputation)
チョウばか 悪猿 ピッシング オン ザ 日の丸
chou baka waru-saru, pissing on the hinomaru
(very stupid evil monkey, pissing on the Japanese Flag)
問題! 損害した 旗
mondai! songai shita hata songai shita hata
(a problem!!  it is a damaged flag)
温泉で ウンチ 出っちゃった!
onsen de unchi de-cha-ta
(at the public hot springs, poop came out!)
君に新しい 名詞 を もらた、 けどう 全然 見なかった
kimi ni  tarashik meishi wo morata– kedou zen zen minakatta
(I received your buisness card, but I did not look at it at all!)
台所の スリッパ を はいているまま お手洗い に 入った!!!
daidokoro no suri-pa wo haiteirumama otearai ni ha-ta
(I wore my kitchen slippers in the bathroom!!!)
関西から かんだ、 一第 ヤバイ ラッパ
kansai kara kanda, ichidai yabai rappa
(from east japan to far west japan, I am the most ill rapper)
動物園 で ムラムラ パンダ
dobutsukan de mura mura panda
(at the zoo, with a horny horny panda)
手こき して あげた、 上手 な マスタベータ
tekoki shite ageta, jouzu na mastabeta
(i gave him the hand-job, i am a talented masturbator)
腸は マリワナ が いっぱい された
harawata ha mariwana ga ippai sareta
(my intestines have become totally packed with marijuana)
すぴリース を 飲めば、 ワサビ が チぇイサー だ。
supiri-su wo nomeba, wasabi ga cheisa- da.
(if I drink Spirits, I use a wasabi chaser)
そのいう こと して疲れた
sono iu koto shite tsukareta
(after doing that kind of stuff I get tired)
ゲイバー で 寝た、 起きくと                                                            
geiba- de neta, okikuto
(i fell asleep at the gay bar)
御釜の お客様 に 金玉 フェラフェラされた。。。 ゲラゲラ!
okama no okyakusama ni kintama fera fera sareta… gera gera
(when i woke up i was being fellated by a transvestite, so i guffawed loudly)
あんあに 下手 な 男芸者 に 怪我 してくれた。
ano heta na gaisha ni kega shite kureta
(the technique of this Geisha was so poor i suffered an injury)
有名な お寺 で ブルセラ 経営 してーいる。
yumei na otera de burasera kei-ei shiteiru
(at the famous Bhuddist temple i manage an enterprise buying and selling used schoolgirl uniforms)
仏はも ビンビン される!
butsu wa mo binbin sareru
(even Bhudda is made erect by this)
でも、 エイズ が 増える
demo eizu ga fueru
(but AIDS is on the increase)
だが 天国 に 残れる
daga tengoku de nokoreru
(so he can just remain in heaven)
若い メス豚 の “援助くさい”
wakai mesu mesu buta no "enjo kusai"
(young bitches do "enso kojai" (literally "compensated dating", referring to high school prostitution, but i deliberately change the spelling to "enjo kusai"、 meaning "compensated stinking"))
こと を 嗅ぐれる でしょう??
koto wo kagureru deshou?
(this action, you can smell it, can't you?)

趣味は罪 とか 罪が趣味
Shumi wa tsumi toka tsumi ga shumi
(my hobby is crime, or is crime my hobby?)
どうち が いい かなあ ちょう 悪いだ
Douchi ga ii,  ka naa  chou warui da
(which is it?  Anyway it is really bad)
猿に ふりあいな ふるまい
Saru ni funi ai na furu mai
(I do the action which is unfit for even a monkey)
センターガイ の 髪 に おしっこ が 降りだ。
Sen-ta gai  no kami ni oshi-ko ga furi. Da.
(Urine rains on the head of the Center-guy!)
 


CLOD

Moving on to English rap. The beat here is a 4-track cassette recording I made probably in the mid-`90s. Real instruments, poorly played.

Clod, don’t do nothing drastic, you don’t want to start battlin’
What’s up with you and 50 Cent playing Magic:the gatherin’
What’s up with you at the Renfaire, asking Fat Joe if your tights fit?
You know that ain’t right, bitch. 
What’s up with your graffitti tag being “I love Tom Hanks?”
What’s up with you calling Michael Jackson and leaving a message that just said “thanks”?
What’s up with that time in the club, player?  The DJ was spinning  De La, but you slipped him $100  bucks to play “Laylah”, so you could slow-dance with some sailors.
That was an awesome air-guitar solo, bro.  Maybe you had enough white-wine spritzers, though.  What’s up?
What’s up with a 9 year old girl  smacking you on stage and snagging your bling?
What’s up with you at the comic book show, dressed like Invisible Girl and macking on The Thing?
What’s up with William Shatner teaching you how to rap?
What’s up with David Duke giving you some dap?
Your album credits reading “Thanks to God, my family, and My Little Pony”?
What’s up with that, homey?  I thought you was all thuggy
What’s up with you getting a valentine’s day present from P. Diddy ? it’s a big bag of Huggies?
 That’s rough, G.
What’s up with it’s 2005 and you still can’t decide
 which is your favorite Corey?
What’s up with your rider says that you have to have a bedtime story 
like Little Bo Peep read to you otherwise you can’t sleep?
And you have a nightmare, player!
About  trying to battle me without a thesaraus
What’s up with all the guys at the truck stop calling you Delores?
What’s up with you  smoking rock in the bathroom of an AM-PM, with DMX while doing a B.M., next  jump in the GM and run over 3 men because you too high to see them, cussing like a heathen when g-men gaffle you, now you screamin cus you locked up and fiendin, going to rehab, but you come out and then you smoke some more?
What’s up with you getting a Vanilla Ice tattoo. .  .on your vocal chords?
What’s up with you being so deathly afraid of S’mores?
Whatever, bitch!
What’s up with you  thinking Ice Cube is something you put in yourr beverage?
What’s up with you  thinking NWA stands for “never whittle ailerons”?
What’s up with you screaming “ohmigod ohmigod, everyone look at the TV, Liz Taylor’s on!!!!”
What’s up with your Friendster profile saying you “like to get tortured in the derriere”?
What’s up with you showing up to the pitbull fight with a wee Yorkshire Terrier?
Now that ain’t very fair!
What’s up with you  having to call  “dial-a-rapper” in the middle of every rhyme battle?
I don’t mean to tattle, but What’s up with those internet photos of you and  like nine cattle
What’s up with you thinking Snoop Dogg is a World War One flying ace?
What’s up with you thinking that being a girl is more fun so now you out buying lace?
I’m just asking!
What’s up with you still wanting to sit on Santa’s lap every Christmas?
And telling him that a velour thong and a Cabbage Patch Doll is on your wish-list?
What’s up with you dressing up like Xena and passing out on half a bottle of Zima?
What’s up with you  naming your balls Ike and Tina?
What’s up with you naming your nipples Marvin and Todd?
What’s up with you at the Apollo, losing a rhyme battle to an inanimate Carbon Rod?
What’s up with crying every time you watch Days Of Our Lives?
What’s up with you giving Kid and Play high-fives?
What’s up with your photos  being all over Ratemyrectum dot net?
What’s up with your pampers always being sopping wet?
What’s up with you keeping your producer waiting in the studio all day while you try to think of a word that rhymes with “rap”????
Oh snap!
What’s up with your baby-mama being so fat I can find her on a world map?
What’s up with you getting sued because you didn’t clear your N’Sync samples?
What’s up with you  writing all your horror-core rhymes in  a bubble bath surrounded by scented candles?
You never man-handled a hoe! but,  you  just cancelled a show
because you were up all night crying on account of your friend told you that Cathy is only a cartoon?
What’s up with your moms being chased by Cap’n Ahab with a harpoon?
What’s up with your possee is like fifteen girl scouts and a shriner?
What’s up with you and Hello Kitty got mad beef
so she knocked out your front teeth and left you with a wicked shiner?
What’s up with you obsessively photoshopping yourself  into pictures with Kim Jong Il?
What’s up with you pawning your last mic so you could try to buy some skillz?
Know what else is ill?
You can use a   moist drinking straw  for a pocket pussy, brah.
Don’t cuddle it after, clod,  that’s a faux pas.
What’s up with you  going to see Yanni live at the Parthenon?
What’s up with your bulletproof vest is actually made out of marzipan?
What’s up with you inviting the Lench Mob over to watch the last episode of Friends? “C’mon guys, it’ll be fuuunnn!”
What’s up with your rented Benz and your bling having all plastic gems because you got no enz?
What’s up with you on MTV Cribs, bragging on how  you tricked out your Motel 6 room?
With a Shaun Cassady poster and some glitter from Target, that is a really slick room.
What’s up with you driving a Bentley, but it’s because you’re a chauffeur?
What’s up with your high-school yearbook photo looking all like The Cure?
 I’m worried, kid, lately you don’t seem so stable.
What’s up with you being dropped from your label
because the songs  on your new album were all about Matt Damon?

 don’t play dumb. . . I got the masters. Can you explain, son?
 


partial wack

The beat on here is, of course, PARANOID. The gag is that it's only the first 3 notes, which are 33% slower than the rest of the riff, so the whole beat sounds like it's at 66% speed- as if it's being held back and is about to go faster once you stop standing on its neck. The kick drums alternate between 3 bars of 4 and a 3/4 polyrhthm.

 check my skill – I’m not   even partial wack
Punch you so hard my metatarsals crack
My shit get you high like a barge  of crack
Send you to mars and back, how harsh is that?

You tellin lies about all the gold bars you’ll stack
I tell the truth about you and Slim teabagging  Marshall’s sac
You cant answer ? what, did you have a sars attack?
My shit is louder than a spinal tap marshall stack

 My rock is hot like the the solo  from paranoid,
played on a bc rich
My dirty-ass lyrics make you annoyed,
because you’re  nothing but a pc bitch
All recycling shit,  and Suckin on  dick
 for a ticket to Lilith Fair
 But I’m the illest player.
I smack a stank hoe like ani difranco
and leave a “thank-you” note in her manko
I got the shit you can’t be handling
You and me battling
Is like trying to fight
Yingwe’s guitar  with a k-mart mandolin
Now I Got you more endangered than the Pangolin
Plus yo u got the kind of ass every man go in
Can go in
Do go in
Called you Betty Sue at the truck stop
The spot where YOU hoin’
With the fake boobs showin’

I call you out because you are pimping fake
On the mike you get ruthless
But the truth is
In bed you make your man refer to you as justin timberlake
 Eating that shit with a-1 sauce, like it was dinner steak

You look gangsta but you nothing but a   little  bizz-nitch
What’s up with your full-back tattoo of you and Harry Potter playing Naked Quidditch??

When you’re not making videos waving guns around
You’re buying Smurfs on Ebay for $400 bucks a pound
Caught you in smurfette drag, the cat’s out the bag
I kick your ass from here to Borneo and get jet lag

Get off the mic, better drop that
If you talk smack you gonna get mocked back
Shit will get you knocked back, dropped or popped in fact
You’ll go out on a stretcher, ain’t no walking back
How I talk and act
Is exactly how I am,
But you is phony,
With  imaginary chrome, you is no Gee.
My flows be
Froze like tokoros where  eskimos be
Chilin in igloos
Me and walruses roll in thick crews
Making you pay big dues
Put you under an iceberg and make you dig through
You don’t got pimp juice, just trick juice
Couldn’t even  get laid at soapland
so you greased up a coke can
and the doctor had to cut your dick loose.
Oops.

 


P.O.P.E.

 

This is a parody of a 50 Cent song, which coincided with the death of Pope John Paul II.  So I redid P.I.M.P. with Italian-sounding MIDI patches, and busted rhymes in Latin. Christians like to talk about how, even though Rome killed Jesus, his teachings of peace and love eventually won over Emperor Constantine and then Rome became under Christianity, so Jesus won in the end. But that's just cognitive dissonance. Jesus got p0wned by Rome when they killed him, and then p0wned by Rome AGAIN when they stole his 'brand' and turned it into an authoritarian, power-hungry death religion. . . . doing the same imperialist Roman bullshit but in Jesus' name instead of Jupiter's name. Making Jesus say, "Hey guys, I love it when you conquer people the way you conquered the Jews! Rad! I'm behind you 100%!  Throw 'em to the lions if they fuck with you!"  That Christians can't see the irony of this is just one of the many goofy things about religion.

I don’t know what you heard about me

A bitch can’t get a condom outta me

No horns or tail that you can see

Because I’m the motherfuckin’ P.O.P.E.

You ate the wafer, bitch, that ain’t free

In the basket put the cash money

You know I got to pay a legal fee

For a child molesting clergy

My crib’s in Vatican City

My money’s laundered in Sicily

I’m the MC from The Holy See

That’s right: the motherfucking P.O.P.E.

I bet you didn’t know I was rapping

But I can even flow in Latin

Absolve, Domine, animas omnium fidelium

defunctorum ab omni vinculo delictorum

I think gays are kind of sick

Though I never laid down with a chick

Matter of fact it’s a mortal sin

Does this white dress make me look thin?

No, seriously, don’t lie. Does it?

Send a jew to hell when he’s dead

Though I got a yarmuckle on my head

So wise up you should repent

Or you might get shot like 50 cent

So another Jezebel spread her knees

Now she wants an abortion, oh please

You can get it in a back alley

Because I’m the motherfuckin’ P.O.P.E.

Drink the blood of Christ every week

Have another hit, because that shit tastes sweet

Drive the Popemobile so drunk

Venom’s all locked in the trunk

Confess all your sins to me

Don’t skip the parts that’s sexy

I need to know – was it two cocks or three?

Because I’m the motherfuckin’ P.O.P.E.

If you want to talk to G. O.D.

First, you gotta let me wet my beak

Bhudda, Lao Tsu, Hubbard and Odin

Can all go hummmmm on these scrotum

Jimmy Swaggart and Falwell are all fakers

Kiss my ring, I am the greatest!

Get cash everyday no hiatus.

When it comes to making papes, I am the papist!

With the lord ya know I have pull

So I get paid in full ; If you step to the

P, your card will get pulled

And that ain’t no Papal Bull

Way back in history

Christ asked Rome for liberty

So they nailed him to a tree

But then we switched to Christianity

Rome is rich off pimping J.C.

So Christ never really did get free

I got no time for irony

Because I’m the motherfuckin’ P.O.P.E.

So now I’m dead get O.E.

And pour out a 40 over me

I’m in heaven rappin with Eazy-E

Because I’m the motherfuckin’ P.O.P.E. 


WHILST

I get mad respect  from  one verse of my smooth flow
You recite a whole album and get nary a kudo
 Y Que, holmes??  My style is muy puro
Your shit is tres Swap Meet Louie ? way too faux
I fight a giant squid with my kid Jaques Cousteau
You fall down a flight of stairs like Inspector Clouseau
I’m high class, dandified like Art Noveau
You wear sandals with socks because you heard it was Euro
Don’t need a watch because every hour on the dot,
I get with  a elegant  new hoe
Whilst you in a dumpster  frenching a sweaty Sumo
 With a   mysterious Jew-fro
M y shit blows up like an infected buboe
your shit breaks down like a janky old Yugo
I’m suave debonair Fred Astaire, Perry Como
You’re eating beans out the can like a filthy hobo
With some used 45’s you carry in a  bindle
I got so many gold records I have to store them on a spindle
I make all the fly nuns strip down to their wimples
You’re so hard-up you have to grease and fuck a thimble
I’m Don Jhonson handsome, all chisled jaws and dimples
You got a fountain of sebum erupting out of your pimple
But I dodge it , leapfrog it, because I’m wicked ninja nimble
Think I’m done yet? Man you must be simple!
I get with mad freaks, licking fudge ripple off their nipples
You all getting a prostate massage from old Mr. Whipple

I’m the first rapper on the cover of Time
since the ‘90s and  Sistah Soljah
You’re at a Scientology clinic,  getting an audit
by which I mean  getting blowed by Travolta
I’m the wicked smooth vocalizer so all the chicks lay me
You’re at home writing erotic fan-fiction about you with Dick Cheney.
Various positions and vice-presidential jissom,
I solved Fermat’s last theorem during a freestyle ad-lib
You’re so simple that you cheat on a Mad Lib. 
And so on.

 


E.L. WIZZO


I saw Electric Wizzard in Tokyo, back in 2007. I got so excited, i freestyled rhymes about it all the way home on my bike. By the time i got home i had half the song composed. The rest was written in the shower.

 

Welcome to funeralopolis, I’m the fuckin’ mayor

Mother of serpent layer, wizard of gore slayer

Fuck stoner rock and funeral doom too

Just hit the sick riffs the way Vitus used to

Keep the roots true, the way the chosen few do

Sweet poppy, cheap sake, leaf zombie voodoo !

Wizard party don’t stop, keeps going on and on

Snorting rails off the cover of the Necronomicon

Bring the holy host, so we can vomit on

Doctor High-stein Gonna bring the Atomic Bong !

Master of alchemy showin’ with the potion

Iron bong for the chosen, at the altar invokin’

What’s the commotion? What all you smokin’?

Toking Lovecraft’s ashes and now your ass is overdosin’!!

Skin like leather an’ brain damage from the Ketamine

Hollow eyed zombie, drug war veteran . . .

Flying high and yet slow like a pelican

A green cloud of indoe the whole band enveloped in

Iron barbarian! Green dope Skeletons?

Sun has turned to black and we goin’ back to hell again!

(chorus:)

so, Come my fanatics, my Dope addicts,

My Stone magnet's attracted, to bad habits

my Necros with automatics, my blunt's gigantic,

The second coming of Sabbath! Green magic, satanic!

 

 

Sinister Crowley homey, light up a rollie

Unholy tritone, live show ceremony

“you'd be kneeling to the electric. . . ”

". . . exquisite rap wizard"

Taking mad hits from the spliziff and the hizzerb

Go to new dimensions and bring back the weird bud

Putting shit in the wooden pipe kieth Richards be afeard of

Heavy ass riffs, they got a myriad

Doing more 'cid than my kid Tim Leary did

Put evil in a needle– mainline in your jugular

Just another victim of the one count drugula !

do a mind transferal with a bona fide Chrono-naut

Got trapped in the past 'cause that fool gets stoned a lot!

Wheezing some,

because the Demon lung

got the smoke in it

Make a bong,

out of satan’s dong

And tokin’ it !!!

So, join the witchcult today, And with no delay

Spark up the hay and Let us prey (on a poser)

Now is the ritual, Invoke the Supercoven,

Necrobong in your face Like a Hoover huffin’

With the son of nothing, chilling in the toke zone

Sitting on the dope throne Smoking all the home grown

 

(chorus)

 

Fucking up the room 'cause the tunes is the Doomiest

Guitars bring pure lava like Vesuvius

Flow is the grooviest ? Just keep looping this,

2 notes, 10 minutes, god damn! Who be this?

With the groove locked down like james brown?

Who be this with the neck-breaking, head-banging sound?

Who be this with the stoner live shows in overdrive ?

(There goes the devil’s bride, snorting black butterfly )

e- to the Wizzy in the motherfuckin’hizzy

Herb got me dizzy, slip into a delirium

Notes I’m tastin’ em, colors I’m hearin’ em

Am I goin’ crazy? Headbangin’ like I’m handicapped

Necro berserker, in a state of doom-mantia !!!!

Playing all the tunes, rocking all the rooms

Bringing all the doom, chewing all the shrooms

Writing titanic Riffs, taking gigantic hits

Prince of darkness

Spliff: just spark this

Whip a narc’s ass and piss on the carcass !!

 

(chorus)

 

 

Turn up the sunn-o’s –It's time to run shows

Eradicate a poser and hit another blunt dose

Green like Godzilla but twice as heavier

Spark the sensimilla and crush all competitors

Conciousness fading, hallucinating

Iron zombie invocating, she-goat fellating,

Satan’s all hatin’ cus I took his bowl and cashed it

Smoked all the resin and even took the last hit!

Now he mad at me, not mannerly, don’t be blamin me

Devil told me to do it, and you’re the same as he!

So get your ass down to the electric ritual

Get possessed by the hectic minstrelz

at the wizard show

Drunk as fuck and you’re sucking on your tenth beer

Music so loud you lost your hearing in your left ear

Headbanging so hard – neck got used up

Wake up : hospital! Vertebrae all fused up !

Pins in your neck lookin’ like Frankenstein

Can’t wait for them to come back and do it next time.

They sell it by the gram, by the riff, by the hook or jam :

E. L. Wizzo, the Devil’s own pusherman !


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